In high school I had a classmate tell me that things came too easily to me. I didn't go to class and I got good grades. Whenever I needed something, I somehow got it. Things were just thrown at me (I had just won leadership positions in two clubs and an accounting award (admittedly, with very little effort). I attributed the comments to her being a bitch and left it at that. (Hint for Tip - M.V.)
Thanks to her, every once in a while I do wonder if things don't come to me too easily.
Example 1
Once again, forgetting I'm not superwoman, I volunteered for the charitable donation drive in at work. Since I was out of the office Monday, working hard on Tuesday and blogging yesterday, today was the first opportunity I've had to participate. They gave me tickets to sell for a raffle (the prize is a turkey (who wants a turkey?)). The chairperson handed me 50 tickets and said to bring back the extras when I was done. I had them all sold in a half hour (I had to go back twice for more tickets and ended up selling all of the ones we had on hand). Why is that impressive? I've been told that in the past two years raffles and other events have had to be cancelled due to a lack of participation. My manager called me into his office to say that my success was "ridiculous" (in a good way) and that I'm "totally in the wrong profession".
Example 2
As if my ego needed more stroking, at school (between whispering to the guy beside me) I couldn't give a wrong answer and after class the teacher called me over to ask for my help and gave me an extra assignment to complete (in a good way). You have to understand that this teacher hates us. He takes perverse pleasure in asking for the answer and than completely shooting down your responses. Some of my favourites - "No, that's not right", "Stop right there, did you even hear the question?", after an answer is given "NO! Does anybody else have the RIGHT answer?" (He's awesome!!). I was walking to the bus stop with someone from my class she pointed out that he’s never done that to me, even when I’ve given the wrong answer (a rare occurrence); he has always “respected” my thoughts.
It scares me to think what the world would be like if I actually tried.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
What a Man!!
As per usual, I got to school an hour and a half early for class. As I walked in the classroom I was surprised to find one of my classmates already there sitting in my usual seat. I sat down one chair away from him (he normally has a companion sit beside him and I was leaving her a seat). Immediately he moved to the seat next to me and we began to talk.
HE GAVE GREAT CONVERSATION!
I mean there were no awkward silences or searching for things to say. He enraptured me, captivated me. We discussed life and different experiences and travels we'd had. There was no falling back on topics like "the weather" or "the latest t.v. show”.
For a minute I fell in love, not with him, but with his ability to make me overcome myself, to garner enough of my trust to want to share my true self.
It was a thing of beauty.
We whispered to each other all through class and as I left this evening, all I could think was this has been the start of a wonderful friendship.
HE GAVE GREAT CONVERSATION!
I mean there were no awkward silences or searching for things to say. He enraptured me, captivated me. We discussed life and different experiences and travels we'd had. There was no falling back on topics like "the weather" or "the latest t.v. show”.
For a minute I fell in love, not with him, but with his ability to make me overcome myself, to garner enough of my trust to want to share my true self.
It was a thing of beauty.
We whispered to each other all through class and as I left this evening, all I could think was this has been the start of a wonderful friendship.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Gotta Love Her
Preface: There's a 15 year age gap between me and my little sister.
My sister and I hang out a lot and for the most part we enjoy each others company. So tonight I thought we'd chill together, we'd go to the mall, grab some dinner, do homework, watch Top Model and off to bed she goes. While at the mall we ran into a former colleague of mine. We stood there talking and catching up. Feeling left out she decided to contribute to the conversation. We had been talking about how I'm always running so late and how from the minute I wake up in the morning I'm on the go. Little sis suggests, "Tell him what you sleep in" with a giant grin on her face. There are any number of things I could have said, the only one, I figured, could have caused that smile on her face is not one I wanted to share.
I turned RED (not pink, not just on my face; my entire body turned RED)
I stood there for two minutes while neither of us "adults" could look at each other let alone try to think of something to say.
Out of frustration my sis turns to the guy and says "She sleeps in a nest, she always has all her stuff on the bed." (Not even close to what I was avoiding saying) Somewhat relieved, I excused us and marched my sister off to the bathroom to remind her that it's not always appropriate to join in "Adult Conversation".
I'm just thankful I probably won't see this guy for another 4 years.
My sister and I hang out a lot and for the most part we enjoy each others company. So tonight I thought we'd chill together, we'd go to the mall, grab some dinner, do homework, watch Top Model and off to bed she goes. While at the mall we ran into a former colleague of mine. We stood there talking and catching up. Feeling left out she decided to contribute to the conversation. We had been talking about how I'm always running so late and how from the minute I wake up in the morning I'm on the go. Little sis suggests, "Tell him what you sleep in" with a giant grin on her face. There are any number of things I could have said, the only one, I figured, could have caused that smile on her face is not one I wanted to share.
I turned RED (not pink, not just on my face; my entire body turned RED)
I stood there for two minutes while neither of us "adults" could look at each other let alone try to think of something to say.
Out of frustration my sis turns to the guy and says "She sleeps in a nest, she always has all her stuff on the bed." (Not even close to what I was avoiding saying) Somewhat relieved, I excused us and marched my sister off to the bathroom to remind her that it's not always appropriate to join in "Adult Conversation".
I'm just thankful I probably won't see this guy for another 4 years.
Marieseda?
Someone asked where did "Marieseda" come from?
Marie is a part of my full name.
Seda, on the other hand, is not so obvious. When I was 12 or 13 I fell in love with this movie starring Jon Seda. He was the only man that ever got his picture up on my wall (other than Mickey Mouse).
Marie is a part of my full name.
Seda, on the other hand, is not so obvious. When I was 12 or 13 I fell in love with this movie starring Jon Seda. He was the only man that ever got his picture up on my wall (other than Mickey Mouse).
Let's Talk About Sex
So the Everything To Do With Sex show is cumming to town (Yes, I know I have a dirty mind). Once again, I've corrupted my co-workers and we all had to rush to hide the informational print-outs about the event when my boss caught us looking at the site. There are several seminars that have caught my eye:
Uncover Your Inner Stripper
Undress For Success
G-Spots & P-Spots: Double Your Pleasure
(I'm glad I'm not the only one that had to ask "what's a P-Spot?"
How To Kiss On A Date/ The Top Three Mistakes Woman Make When Attracting Men
A friend has suggested that if I want a really good laugh, I should also attend:
Mastering Masturbation (M&W)
Receiving Entrance or No Rear Entry? (An Introduction to Anal Sex)
I think I hear the "Fake Orgasm Contest" calling my name.
If I don't die of laughter this weekend; I should have some interesting observations to share.
Uncover Your Inner Stripper
Undress For Success
G-Spots & P-Spots: Double Your Pleasure
(I'm glad I'm not the only one that had to ask "what's a P-Spot?"
How To Kiss On A Date/ The Top Three Mistakes Woman Make When Attracting Men
A friend has suggested that if I want a really good laugh, I should also attend:
Mastering Masturbation (M&W)
Receiving Entrance or No Rear Entry? (An Introduction to Anal Sex)
I think I hear the "Fake Orgasm Contest" calling my name.
If I don't die of laughter this weekend; I should have some interesting observations to share.
My Favourite Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said, "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny and farted whenever she wanted.
The End
The End
NSF
I was reading a friend's blog and it reminded me of a seminar I'd attended years ago. The seminar was about teambuilding, becoming leaders and all those "soft skills" that many people lack. A lot of time was spent on "Relationship Accounts".
What is a "Relationship Account"?
The basic theory was that you open an account with everyone person you meet. Each interaction or "transaction" has an effect on that account. People make "deposits or "withdrawals" and the more you "invest" in the account the better the relationship becomes.
What is a "Deposit"?
It’s when you do or add something to the relationship. It can be as simply as calling the person to see how they're doing or helping them when they're in need of a hand. It was suggested at the time that we should always be making little deposits into the account, as it is an easy way to help the investment grow and you are less likely to forget the account exists.
What is a "Withdrawal"?
This is when you take something from the relationship. This is accomplished by asking for favours (which is not always a negative thing) or by saying or doing things that are not of benefit to the other person (lying/cheating/back-stabbing). Some withdrawals rise concerns as to the ability to maintain the account or cause the account to have a negative balance.
What is "Overdraft"?
It is a situation that arises when the withdrawals far exceed the deposits. This normally tells you that you have made a bad investment and should consider closing the account at your earliest convenience.
I have a number of very healthy accounts and a few that I think it is time for me to be closing.
What is a "Relationship Account"?
The basic theory was that you open an account with everyone person you meet. Each interaction or "transaction" has an effect on that account. People make "deposits or "withdrawals" and the more you "invest" in the account the better the relationship becomes.
What is a "Deposit"?
It’s when you do or add something to the relationship. It can be as simply as calling the person to see how they're doing or helping them when they're in need of a hand. It was suggested at the time that we should always be making little deposits into the account, as it is an easy way to help the investment grow and you are less likely to forget the account exists.
What is a "Withdrawal"?
This is when you take something from the relationship. This is accomplished by asking for favours (which is not always a negative thing) or by saying or doing things that are not of benefit to the other person (lying/cheating/back-stabbing). Some withdrawals rise concerns as to the ability to maintain the account or cause the account to have a negative balance.
What is "Overdraft"?
It is a situation that arises when the withdrawals far exceed the deposits. This normally tells you that you have made a bad investment and should consider closing the account at your earliest convenience.
I have a number of very healthy accounts and a few that I think it is time for me to be closing.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Once again, Speechless
I find I am entirely composed of unexpressed opinions.
In the past I had no difficulty in ensuring my point of view was made know. Recently, there appears to be no point in expressing myself when so few attempt to understand what is being said. People are so self-consumed and self-important, that all that seems to matter is that others know they are right. Playing devil's advocate has lost its appeal, as it no longer delivers the desired effect. It fails to instigate an educated discussion with insightful and logical arguments. No one attempts to think for themselves. I'm tired of hearing "I heard", "I read", or worst of all "I saw on television" as the preface for every opinion expressed. I'm not referring to someone that states "I heard/read/saw" and continues on to state their example and elaborates or adds their personal opinion; I'm referring to those that utilize their example as their opinion. At school, all of the professors have stated that they are there to teach us how to think. They say to question things, research, formulate our own thoughts and opinions, however when it comes time for marking should our opinion not match theirs we get penalized. That’s the reward given to those that bother to try.
The art of conversation has been lost. Very few know how to actively listen and ensure that all participants in the conversation are understood. Most people have developed the "next-in-line" syndrome, where they are more worried about what they'll say when the speaker is done than focusing on what is being said. "All progress in the world depends on a person who seeks opportunity—not security. A person who takes the calculated risk, to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed, who faces the world boldly and says, 'This is what is possible'." It is possible to understand and be understood, to agree to disagree, to discuss and not argue. This is one less unexpressed opinion and I believe you'll hear many more from me.
In the past I had no difficulty in ensuring my point of view was made know. Recently, there appears to be no point in expressing myself when so few attempt to understand what is being said. People are so self-consumed and self-important, that all that seems to matter is that others know they are right. Playing devil's advocate has lost its appeal, as it no longer delivers the desired effect. It fails to instigate an educated discussion with insightful and logical arguments. No one attempts to think for themselves. I'm tired of hearing "I heard", "I read", or worst of all "I saw on television" as the preface for every opinion expressed. I'm not referring to someone that states "I heard/read/saw" and continues on to state their example and elaborates or adds their personal opinion; I'm referring to those that utilize their example as their opinion. At school, all of the professors have stated that they are there to teach us how to think. They say to question things, research, formulate our own thoughts and opinions, however when it comes time for marking should our opinion not match theirs we get penalized. That’s the reward given to those that bother to try.
The art of conversation has been lost. Very few know how to actively listen and ensure that all participants in the conversation are understood. Most people have developed the "next-in-line" syndrome, where they are more worried about what they'll say when the speaker is done than focusing on what is being said. "All progress in the world depends on a person who seeks opportunity—not security. A person who takes the calculated risk, to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed, who faces the world boldly and says, 'This is what is possible'." It is possible to understand and be understood, to agree to disagree, to discuss and not argue. This is one less unexpressed opinion and I believe you'll hear many more from me.
Speechless
I have a lot of new topics; I'm just trying to organize my thoughts. I simply need to get through graduation and Grandma's visit next week and than I'm sure I'll be fully functional again. I find I've been falling back on 2 old habits I thought I'd broken. I've started using "whatever" as the answer to any question. "Whatever", I've been told, gives the appearance of a lack of concern or caring, but "Whatever". My mind jumps pretty fast from subject to subject and for some reason I presume that the people around me are all mind readers and I expect them to fully participate in the conversation that's happening in my mind. So, we'll be driving along and out of the blue I'll ask a question like "how old is he?" or "when did they get together?" because, obviously, the person sitting beside me should know who he or they are. I guess I should work on breaking those habits again. Whatever!
Why did the lawyer cross the road?
(A collection of my favourite lawyer jokes)
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor says the man. I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me."
________________________________________
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asks him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thinks about it, but finally gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
________________________________________
Q: What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the middle of the road and a dead rattlesnake in the middle of the road?
A: There is skid marks before the snake
________________________________________
Q:What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?
A: They grow taller.
________________________________________
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them.
When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.
St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."
________________________________________
It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
________________________________________
There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus to work one day. He parked it right down in front of the firm where he worked to show it off to all his lawyer buddies. As he got out, this truck side-swiped the door and ripped it right off.
The driver stopped and ran to the lawyer saying "Are you alright, are you alright?
"The lawyer, now furious, started to scream and berate the driver. "What the hell do you think you are doing? This is my brand new Lexus...Ya know I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you for all you are worth!
"Then a policeman ran up to the scene and said to the lawyer, "Calm down! You lawyers are so materialistic it's disgusting! Don't you know, when that truck ripped your door off, it took your arm with it?
"The lawyer looked down and saw his left arm missing and said "Oh, God, . . . my ROLEX!"
________________________________________
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: "Justice prevailed.
"The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately." ________________________________________
De-evolution
At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans.
________________________________________
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
________________________________________
Q: Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
________________________________________
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
________________________________________
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
________________________________________
Q: When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?
A: Even a vulture has taste.
________________________________________
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
________________________________________
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A: A doberman pinscher.
________________________________________
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
________________________________________
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
________________________________________
Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
________________________________________
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
________________________________________
Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor says the man. I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me."
________________________________________
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asks him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thinks about it, but finally gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
________________________________________
Q: What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the middle of the road and a dead rattlesnake in the middle of the road?
A: There is skid marks before the snake
________________________________________
Q:What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?
A: They grow taller.
________________________________________
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them.
When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.
St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."
________________________________________
It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
________________________________________
There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus to work one day. He parked it right down in front of the firm where he worked to show it off to all his lawyer buddies. As he got out, this truck side-swiped the door and ripped it right off.
The driver stopped and ran to the lawyer saying "Are you alright, are you alright?
"The lawyer, now furious, started to scream and berate the driver. "What the hell do you think you are doing? This is my brand new Lexus...Ya know I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you for all you are worth!
"Then a policeman ran up to the scene and said to the lawyer, "Calm down! You lawyers are so materialistic it's disgusting! Don't you know, when that truck ripped your door off, it took your arm with it?
"The lawyer looked down and saw his left arm missing and said "Oh, God, . . . my ROLEX!"
________________________________________
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: "Justice prevailed.
"The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately." ________________________________________
De-evolution
At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans.
________________________________________
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
________________________________________
Q: Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
________________________________________
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
________________________________________
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
________________________________________
Q: When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?
A: Even a vulture has taste.
________________________________________
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
________________________________________
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A: A doberman pinscher.
________________________________________
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
________________________________________
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
________________________________________
Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
________________________________________
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
________________________________________
Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Throwing Down the Gauntlet
As per a conversation this morning, this is what I have to say....
I'm I open to possibilities?
Yes.
I'm I into taking hints, clues or reading into anything?
NO!!
I only play games with children. I'm direct and I expect others to follow suit. I'm no longer making the first move or chasing after anyone. If someone would like to know how I feel they should ask.
My suggestion for anyone willing to take up the gauntlet is to keep in mind that I've already been pretty vocal about where I'm at in life and what I'm looking for.
This is all I have to say on the subject.
I'm I open to possibilities?
Yes.
I'm I into taking hints, clues or reading into anything?
NO!!
I only play games with children. I'm direct and I expect others to follow suit. I'm no longer making the first move or chasing after anyone. If someone would like to know how I feel they should ask.
My suggestion for anyone willing to take up the gauntlet is to keep in mind that I've already been pretty vocal about where I'm at in life and what I'm looking for.
This is all I have to say on the subject.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
And call me in the morning
I strongly dislike taking medication (I would say hate, however the fact that they keep me from lapsing into a coma or going blind makes me refrain from absolute abhorrence). I have become more diligent when it comes to taking them, but there are still those mornings where I can't remember if it was yesterday I took my medication or 10 minutes ago. I'm happy to report that I'm obviously doing a good job as my doctor told me on Friday my sugars and everything else are the best they've been since becoming diabetic. The only downside to everything is the constant changes being made to my dosages and prescriptions. Just as soon as my body has become accustomed to something it gets changed and I it puts my body into an upheaval again. As well, I seem to have lost many of my superhuman abilities. I can't stay up all night and function properly the next day. I don't seem to hide my tiredness as well as I used to in the past. There are days where I could sleep all day and it still isn't enough. I find it even affects my wit (my mind just doesn't want to function as fast as it used to (which I personally find is the worst side effect of all)). I am so looking forward to the day when I no longer have to take the stupid stuff; in fact, I think I'll throw a party. A huge party with sugar free treats for everyone and lots and lots and lots and lots of alcohol (and grapefruit).
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Invisible
Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from work. We talk on almost a daily basis and every once in a while we'll go for a coffee. I think we gravitate to each other as we're the only ones there under 30. Actually, we're the exact same age (I'm a couple months older) yet our lives are so very different. She was married (is getting divorced), has 2 children (a 5 year old and a 2 year old) and she supports them on what cannot be described as the greatest job. She lives at home with her mother and brother in a 2 bedroom apartment and is very slowly working her way through college. Her (soon to be ex-) husband cheated on her with one of her friends/co-workers and is now expecting twins with his new girlfriend. She is one of very few people that continually garners further respect from me the better acquainted we become. She is the "cleaning lady" at my office. It's difficult to express my frustration over the fact that she has been working at our office since July and half of them still call her the "cleaning lady" as they haven't bothered to learn her name. They see her every day, at least twice a day, and some of them don't even know what she looks like. It's disturbing how many people we make invisible in our daily lives. Every morning I get on the bus and I tell the bus driver good morning and thank you when I get off (I can count on one hand the number of other people I see do this). If I catch the eye of anyone around me (bus stop, store, school) I generally like to offer some sort of greeting. Why do people walk around pretending that they can't see anyone else (or ignoring the ones they do)? For a while I stopped saying "Good Morning" to co-workers who never returned my greeting and then I realized it's not my problem if they don't have the common courtesy/manners to recognize me as a fellow human being. I don't want to stop seeing people. (It helps lately that I've been wearing my glasses or contacts). I know I've confessed to being a selfish (and to a degree self-absorbed) person, but it what does it take from me to give someone else the 10 seconds it takes acknowledge them and in some cases thank them for the whatever they've contributed to my day.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
A Lovely Day
After a somewhat restless night, I woke up surprisingly refreshed. I love the rain (considering moving to Seattle or London (the jury is still out on that one (July 2007!))). I said "Good morning" to 4 people; all smiled and returned my greeting. When I reached the bus stop by where I work, one of my co-workers was waiting there to give me a ride. It's only a 5 minute walk, but because of how hard it was raining he had decided to wait there for me. I received two invites to lunch and the following e-mail (from the co-worker who called me a "timewaster") "Thanks!!! You're amazing a few others sent me links but I couldn't find the information…you are great…okay now trash this email…I'd hate to think of how you might use these compliments… :)". This saying is on the wall in my room "This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."
It's going to be a great day!
It's going to be a great day!
An Interesting Night
Seeing that he wasn't at work yesterday, I gave him a call and asked him to meet at a coffee shop before my class. There are those times when you're about to say something and you know its going to sound stupid regardless of how you say it. So I went with "I'm really focused on school, that's my priority and I am just not ready to be in a relationship right now" (what a cop-out); it should have been more like "I don't really care to invest any more time or energy because, I know you're not what I want, so why waste my time" or "I'm tired of your prodding and pushing, if this was meant to be it wouldn't take such effort.". I didn't bother with "let’s be friends", "I'll always love you" or "you'll always have a special place in my heart". He is a great guy and a good friend, but I think if I'd tried to get any of that trite out of my mouth, I'd have thrown up (regurgitating standard phrases has the ability to unsettle my stomach). I would like to believe that we were thinking along the same lines, especially with the pronounced distance lately, but I'm not too sure.
The night didn't end there, one of my classmates asked me out for coffee after class. He seems to be a really "nice guy", but I thought why jump “out of the frying pan, into the fire” (I declined). I than called a friend (initially, I had tried to steal him from his best friend, but that endeavour was quickly deserted as I have a very short attention span, which results in the title of friend and not best friend (I may one day take up my quest again, once life is a little more settled)) and asked a favour that was graciously granted. Finally, I called "My Confidant". He seemed overly concerned about my safety, which had me somewhat befuddled, as he's just not that kind of guy (it made a little more sense when I got home and caught the 1 am showing of the Nancy Grace show). He stayed on the phone until I was safely in the company of my brother and secured a promise I would call him the next time I'm out there waiting for my bus.
All in all an interesting night.
The night didn't end there, one of my classmates asked me out for coffee after class. He seems to be a really "nice guy", but I thought why jump “out of the frying pan, into the fire” (I declined). I than called a friend (initially, I had tried to steal him from his best friend, but that endeavour was quickly deserted as I have a very short attention span, which results in the title of friend and not best friend (I may one day take up my quest again, once life is a little more settled)) and asked a favour that was graciously granted. Finally, I called "My Confidant". He seemed overly concerned about my safety, which had me somewhat befuddled, as he's just not that kind of guy (it made a little more sense when I got home and caught the 1 am showing of the Nancy Grace show). He stayed on the phone until I was safely in the company of my brother and secured a promise I would call him the next time I'm out there waiting for my bus.
All in all an interesting night.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Do I know you?
So, I recently asked some people in my life to describe me in one word. Here are some of the responses (first answers, copied directly from responses (exclamation marks and all)):
Parents: Bad!!!!!! (dad) P.I.T.A *pain in the ass* (mom)
Brother: selfish (It should be noted that this response was sent shortly after he was denied some of my sugar-free fudge popsicles)
Co-workers: mischievous, It is impossible to describe you in one word!!!!, Timewaster, confident, annoying, pain-in-the-ass
Friends(?): generous, Difficult, FUNNY, Alive, Sarcastic, curious
Now what did this waste of time teach me?
Absolutely Nothing!
There was only one answer (or Respondent) who surprised me. Other than that I've learned that the next time I'm bored on a Monday morning I should stick to tag.
Parents: Bad!!!!!! (dad) P.I.T.A *pain in the ass* (mom)
Brother: selfish (It should be noted that this response was sent shortly after he was denied some of my sugar-free fudge popsicles)
Co-workers: mischievous, It is impossible to describe you in one word!!!!, Timewaster, confident, annoying, pain-in-the-ass
Friends(?): generous, Difficult, FUNNY, Alive, Sarcastic, curious
Now what did this waste of time teach me?
Absolutely Nothing!
There was only one answer (or Respondent) who surprised me. Other than that I've learned that the next time I'm bored on a Monday morning I should stick to tag.
Soccer in High-heels
I love Thanksgiving!!!
What's my favourite Part?
(Easy question) Homemade stuffing.
Our fellowship did Thanksgiving on Sunday this year and while the adults worked on getting the meal ready, us kids got to play in the backyard. What happens when you mix me, a soccer ball and young children together; a very dangerous game of soccer (Tackle-Soccer involving a lot of grabbing and pushing). I will state for the record that I am well aware of the fact that I am somewhat accident prone. I will also state that playing soccer in high-heels is never a great idea, when the ground is wet and slippery it becomes an awful idea. Therefore, I'm proud to announce that the game was completed with a minimal amount of injury, I managed to keep my bottom dry and there are no fatalities to report (would I do it again, sadly I would).
Our family did Thanksgiving at our house this year. The majority of the mealtime conversation was my dad explaining to my aunt the numerous ways in which he would cook her dog, Holly. We had everyone out by 5 o'clock. It was the perfect holiday weekend.
What's my favourite Part?
(Easy question) Homemade stuffing.
Our fellowship did Thanksgiving on Sunday this year and while the adults worked on getting the meal ready, us kids got to play in the backyard. What happens when you mix me, a soccer ball and young children together; a very dangerous game of soccer (Tackle-Soccer involving a lot of grabbing and pushing). I will state for the record that I am well aware of the fact that I am somewhat accident prone. I will also state that playing soccer in high-heels is never a great idea, when the ground is wet and slippery it becomes an awful idea. Therefore, I'm proud to announce that the game was completed with a minimal amount of injury, I managed to keep my bottom dry and there are no fatalities to report (would I do it again, sadly I would).
Our family did Thanksgiving at our house this year. The majority of the mealtime conversation was my dad explaining to my aunt the numerous ways in which he would cook her dog, Holly. We had everyone out by 5 o'clock. It was the perfect holiday weekend.
Because When You Love Someone
This song has been playing on repeat in my head all day. I can't remember the artist or the title, but the part of the song I recall is...
Because when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I want to leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be
I just need time to see
Where I want to be
I don't mean to hurt you, baby
So there's this guy. We've been kind of "are we or aren't we" for about a year now (more "we aren't" than anything else (I've flip-flopped and changed my mind a million times)). I still "need time to see where I want to be" and he's more "So Much In Love" (All-4-One). I think the 10-year age gap is really hurting us. He's content and I'm still striving. He's settled; I'm ready to explore. His biological clock is ticking; I haven't heard a peep out of mine. Besides all that, he has someone in his life that I'm pretty sure is more in love with him than I could or would ever be. I know what I have to do, I just don't really want to do it.
Because when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I want to leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be
I just need time to see
Where I want to be
I don't mean to hurt you, baby
So there's this guy. We've been kind of "are we or aren't we" for about a year now (more "we aren't" than anything else (I've flip-flopped and changed my mind a million times)). I still "need time to see where I want to be" and he's more "So Much In Love" (All-4-One). I think the 10-year age gap is really hurting us. He's content and I'm still striving. He's settled; I'm ready to explore. His biological clock is ticking; I haven't heard a peep out of mine. Besides all that, he has someone in his life that I'm pretty sure is more in love with him than I could or would ever be. I know what I have to do, I just don't really want to do it.
Joy
I was sitting on the bus this morning thinking of a friend of mine and I felt a smile start on my face. It wasn't a particular event or incident, it was just the joy this person brings to my life. I than started to think of all the other people who do that. The people who the simple thought of them brings joy. I have a lot of those people in my life right now. The one example I'm willing to share is my little sister. She has so much love in her little heart and she gives it so freely. She's not afraid of being hurt or rejected (because she knows that won't happen). Even as an infant she brought a sense of peace with her. She is my joy!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
What are you?
It's not a question that normally bothers me, but it is getting a little played out. Since I've started wearing the green contacts, there seems to be a renewed interest into my background. There have been very few times in my life where being a mixed child has caused any issues. One incident that comes to mind was a grade 8 math class, where we were working on percentages and the teacher tried to split us up according to ethnicity. She made me stand between the "White" and "Black" kids and I counted as a .5 for each group. (I keep telling my family I'll marry a guy who is mixed Indian and Chinese to make life interesting for my future children.)
I'm not the only one who is getting the question. I've been asked in each of my classes and normally after asking me the question will go around to everyone in the vicinity. When I first started working at my job somebody asked (on the wrong day) and I answered with "Why?". I understand when children ask, but whenever an adult poses the question it makes me wonder of what great importance is it to them.
My mom and I went to pick up my little sister from school and one of the children asked her if she was adopted. I get the child's confusion as to a "Black" kid having a "White" mother. My sister didn't like or understand the other kid's question. With the number of interracial couples I've seen lately, I'm sure there'll shortly be a whole new crop of kids getting the "are you adopted?" question.
I'm not the only one who is getting the question. I've been asked in each of my classes and normally after asking me the question will go around to everyone in the vicinity. When I first started working at my job somebody asked (on the wrong day) and I answered with "Why?". I understand when children ask, but whenever an adult poses the question it makes me wonder of what great importance is it to them.
My mom and I went to pick up my little sister from school and one of the children asked her if she was adopted. I get the child's confusion as to a "Black" kid having a "White" mother. My sister didn't like or understand the other kid's question. With the number of interracial couples I've seen lately, I'm sure there'll shortly be a whole new crop of kids getting the "are you adopted?" question.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
This Sucks!
I hate being sick.
I hate the snuffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, sore throat, etc.
I miss having mom rub me down with vicks, dad making his special tea (he used to dry orange peel and boil it with cloves), and getting to watch Princess Bride as many times I want. Nobody buys my diet gingerale or makes me soup any more. I hate the looks people give you when you show up to work sick cause you have no more sick time (which I'll deal with tomorrow).
Being sick sucks!!
I hate the snuffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, sore throat, etc.
I miss having mom rub me down with vicks, dad making his special tea (he used to dry orange peel and boil it with cloves), and getting to watch Princess Bride as many times I want. Nobody buys my diet gingerale or makes me soup any more. I hate the looks people give you when you show up to work sick cause you have no more sick time (which I'll deal with tomorrow).
Being sick sucks!!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
My Best Friend
My mom and my little sister were cleaning out my mom's closet when they came upon an autobiography I'd written when I was in grade 3. There is something surreal about reading your thoughts years later. In the autobiography (it was a school assignment) there was a page called "My 3 Wishes", and one of my wishes was for a little sister. My little sister is 8 (sometimes it feels more like 28) and there have been very few days that she hasn't heard me tell her I love her. I never realized how much it would mean to her to know that I wanted her in my life from before she was born. She was so excited that she ran downstairs to show me what I had written and started to beg my mom for the autobiography. I guess this explains why my best friend is 8 and why I'd much rather spent a Saturday hanging out with her than anyone else in the world.
For Love or Money
People are not always very encouraging when I tell them I want to be a lawyer. I noticed a while ago people stopped asking why I want to be one and I stopped thinking about it. They'll ask what type of law would I like to practice, how much longer will I be in school or would I like to work for a private firm or the government, but they stopped asking why.
It was never about the money; in fact I've never really wanted to be a lawyer. I used to love to research different laws and finding out why things are the way they are. To examine the progress that society had made in maintaining order. The pursuit of Justice and seeing that the guilty were punished and the innocent set free. I wanted to be judge. To ensure that Justice was served, to have the power to say "you've wronged society and now you must pay for your actions". Somewhere along the way I lost my focus. I stopped thinking about why it never felt like work studying or researching. It became about marks and than the money started creeping in. Teachers would tell you "study Corporate that's where the money is" or friends would say "wait until you can charge $300.00/hour" and then I found myself saying "I want to study Corporate, I want to earn $500.00/hour and charge clients for lunch and dinner and all sorts of other needless expenses". I throwing all that crap out and starting fresh again. I'm determined to find that love and excitement I once felt about law, life and liberty.
It was never about the money; in fact I've never really wanted to be a lawyer. I used to love to research different laws and finding out why things are the way they are. To examine the progress that society had made in maintaining order. The pursuit of Justice and seeing that the guilty were punished and the innocent set free. I wanted to be judge. To ensure that Justice was served, to have the power to say "you've wronged society and now you must pay for your actions". Somewhere along the way I lost my focus. I stopped thinking about why it never felt like work studying or researching. It became about marks and than the money started creeping in. Teachers would tell you "study Corporate that's where the money is" or friends would say "wait until you can charge $300.00/hour" and then I found myself saying "I want to study Corporate, I want to earn $500.00/hour and charge clients for lunch and dinner and all sorts of other needless expenses". I throwing all that crap out and starting fresh again. I'm determined to find that love and excitement I once felt about law, life and liberty.
1 Sheep, 2 Sheep....
It's almost 2 am and I really should be getting to sleep.
The Scotiabank Nuit Blanche was great; if they do it again next year you'll definitely find me there. I got my bedtime story, it was awesome (about a lion and a thief). Ran into a couple I love, I've asked them to get married and adopt me (they're engaged to be engaged September 9, 2011).
Today, I ran into a friend I haven't seen in 4 years; we reminisced on all the trouble we used to get into (truthfully, the trouble I got us into(Aristotle and Deep Throat are great stories I'll have to write about some time)). It's weird seeing everybody all grown up. She feels like she's still 16 too.
My boss choose to ignore the game of monkey in the middle I was able to convince half of the office to play (He's going on vacation and I managed to complete his assignment in record time, so he was in a pretty good mood).
From when I was little my dad and I used to go on little adventures. Sometimes it lead to Niagara Falls, Kingston or Hamilton and other times it was just to the convenience store down the street. It always starts the same by him asking me if I want to go for a ride with him. Tonight, our adventure only lead to the West end of the city, but it was still fun.
The Scotiabank Nuit Blanche was great; if they do it again next year you'll definitely find me there. I got my bedtime story, it was awesome (about a lion and a thief). Ran into a couple I love, I've asked them to get married and adopt me (they're engaged to be engaged September 9, 2011).
Today, I ran into a friend I haven't seen in 4 years; we reminisced on all the trouble we used to get into (truthfully, the trouble I got us into(Aristotle and Deep Throat are great stories I'll have to write about some time)). It's weird seeing everybody all grown up. She feels like she's still 16 too.
My boss choose to ignore the game of monkey in the middle I was able to convince half of the office to play (He's going on vacation and I managed to complete his assignment in record time, so he was in a pretty good mood).
From when I was little my dad and I used to go on little adventures. Sometimes it lead to Niagara Falls, Kingston or Hamilton and other times it was just to the convenience store down the street. It always starts the same by him asking me if I want to go for a ride with him. Tonight, our adventure only lead to the West end of the city, but it was still fun.
Monday, October 02, 2006
I feel....
I often express my feelings in terms of songs (not just their titles, but their lyrics)
Right now I'm feeling:
Boyz II Men - End of the Road
Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Justin Timberlake - Comes Around (Interlude)
Different people, different feelings. I'll explain later.
Right now I'm feeling:
Boyz II Men - End of the Road
Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Justin Timberlake - Comes Around (Interlude)
Different people, different feelings. I'll explain later.
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