EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?!
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Friday, February 22, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
Pain in the ...
Okay, so I haven't felt like blogging much lately and let me explain why... This is what my day has consisted of for the past 2 weeks. I wake up around 9:30 am (you'll understand why later) I immediately pop 2 oxycodone... why you ask (great question) because in exactly one hour my torturer (more commonly referred to as a nurse) will show up. She will proceed to take a 2 foot length of salt-water soaked gauze and a giant toothpick and she will then shove that aforementioned gauze into an open wound in my "back". As much as you would hope the oxycodone would help, it really doesn't. All the oxycodone does is puts me to sleep for the next 5 hours. I wake up at 4:00 pm and spend the next 11 hours trying to get back to sleep to only fall asleep around 3:00 am. To say I'm not in the mood to write lately is an understatement. Maybe tomorrow I'll be in a better mood.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
In-Salting Behaviour
My dad tells this story about when he was living in Bristol. He and his family went to visit an old family friend in Paris and for the first night a big feast was prepared. Everyone sat down at the table to eat and before grace was said or a single person served my dad asked for some salt, pepper and ketchup. He states the hostess went off on such a tangent he thought she would have a heart attack (he was also glad for the first time to not be fluent in French as her comments where not very complimentary). What he had done to offend her he couldn't understand, but my grandmother knew exactly what occurred. He had been about as rude as any diner could. To salt one's food without tasting it first is unforgivably rude. It shows a lack of confidence in the skills of the chef. Additionally, it is an insult to both the chef and the dinner's host (if they are not one and the same). There is also a bigger life lesson to be found here, the person who salts their food prior to tasting has demonstrated a closed mind. They made a decision prior to analyzing the data before them. If they do that with something as inconsequential as the food they eat what about the more important aspects of life. This is the kind of person that leaps before they look, which we all know is not always the best way to make a decision. Beware of the food salter (no offence Pops)!
Virus Alert
WORK VIRUS WARNING
There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive
any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply
handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT START IT.
This has been circulating around our building for months and
those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at
"work" have found that their social life is deleted and their
brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work"
at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with
the words "I've had enough of your crap... I'm off to the pub."
The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain.
If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the
document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your
hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and
order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this
action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be
of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest
cartoon ever.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do
NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the
"work" virus has already corrupted your life.
There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive
any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply
handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT START IT.
This has been circulating around our building for months and
those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at
"work" have found that their social life is deleted and their
brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work"
at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with
the words "I've had enough of your crap... I'm off to the pub."
The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain.
If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the
document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your
hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and
order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this
action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be
of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest
cartoon ever.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do
NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the
"work" virus has already corrupted your life.
A Warning for all my male friends...
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs, to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs."
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted . After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please forward this warning to every male you know. (And women with a sense of humour!) If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs."
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted . After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please forward this warning to every male you know. (And women with a sense of humour!) If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
He's Just Not Into You - Revisited
So about a year ago I wrote this post and I have to admit it was one of my favourites. A friend of mine has questioned me on some of my assertions and so here is what I have to say. I made the statement that "If he is dating someone else he's just not into you." The main reason I think that girls have difficulty with that is for some reason we refuse to give up hope. Most girls as Suzy pointed out are willing to wait out a girlfriend under the belief that they are much better suited and eventually the guy in question will come to that realization. This false sense of hope is usually bolster by the actions of the guy in question. Guys in general are always looking for the next best thing. Even if the have the greatest thing in the world, they'll still keep an eye out for other possibilities. So he may call you or text you tease you or flirt, but at the end of the day he is still going home to someone else. The best and only option is to forget him and just move on. It's his loss not yours.
I think the biggest obstacle to recognizing that he is just not into you is a guy who possesses superficial charm. This is the guy that is super smooth and always tries to be engaging, charming, and slick. He is never shy or self-conscious and is not afraid to say anything. He is also quite cunning and manipulative and has learned exactly what to say and do to achieve his aim. He can be very difficult to identify as over the years he has managed to conceal his horns and his tail. Because he calls and remembers little details about you that may tell you he is interested but in what still needs to be determined. Taking it slow and getting to know someone is really the only way to truly decipher what a guy's interest is. For the most part the superficial charmer will not hang around too long and when he departs you should thank your lucky stars and do not even consider looking back.
There's more, but I'm tired (maybe later)
I think the biggest obstacle to recognizing that he is just not into you is a guy who possesses superficial charm. This is the guy that is super smooth and always tries to be engaging, charming, and slick. He is never shy or self-conscious and is not afraid to say anything. He is also quite cunning and manipulative and has learned exactly what to say and do to achieve his aim. He can be very difficult to identify as over the years he has managed to conceal his horns and his tail. Because he calls and remembers little details about you that may tell you he is interested but in what still needs to be determined. Taking it slow and getting to know someone is really the only way to truly decipher what a guy's interest is. For the most part the superficial charmer will not hang around too long and when he departs you should thank your lucky stars and do not even consider looking back.
There's more, but I'm tired (maybe later)
60 % of statistics are made up.....
43.7% of all statistics are made up right on the spot.
But I promise that all the ones I post are 72% authentic ;p
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
How do I apply for the job of the tester that watches a cat fall twenty floors??
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
And I've been telling people my nose just keeps getting bigger and bigger and was accused of the Pinocchio Syndrome.
A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day!
I'm going to start keeping track and verify their findings
A giraffe has a 20-inch tongue.
And people think Gene Simmons is impressive!
A snail can sleep for three years.
I never thought I'd be jealous of snails!
Close to 80% of people who watch the Super Bowl on television, only do so to view the commercials.
I'm not alone!
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover may be killed in any manner desired.
For some reason I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished by the removal of his pubic hair and the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.
We really need to consider changing the laws in Canada. I don't know a single man that would be willing to cheat if such punishment existed here.
In Switzerland, it's against the law to slam your car door.
This would be my dad's favourite law. He has banned certain friends of mine from receiving rides due to too many door slamming infractions.
In Lebanon it's legal to have animal sex, but only with female animals. Animal sex with males is a capital crime.
I'm not even going to ask.
Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium!
Totally unsurprised. I wonder how a pharmacist would fill out that prescription.
Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.
My mom loves romance novels (I think I'm going to throw up)
The average person spends 2 weeks of its life kissing.
Does that mean I've used up my quota??
If you fart constantly for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb
I think this means at the rate my dad goes he would have been able to produce at least 2 atomic bombs by now (as he gets older it only gets worse)
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
I dare you to try!
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!
This explains so much!
But I promise that all the ones I post are 72% authentic ;p
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
How do I apply for the job of the tester that watches a cat fall twenty floors??
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
And I've been telling people my nose just keeps getting bigger and bigger and was accused of the Pinocchio Syndrome.
A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day!
I'm going to start keeping track and verify their findings
A giraffe has a 20-inch tongue.
And people think Gene Simmons is impressive!
A snail can sleep for three years.
I never thought I'd be jealous of snails!
Close to 80% of people who watch the Super Bowl on television, only do so to view the commercials.
I'm not alone!
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover may be killed in any manner desired.
For some reason I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished by the removal of his pubic hair and the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.
We really need to consider changing the laws in Canada. I don't know a single man that would be willing to cheat if such punishment existed here.
In Switzerland, it's against the law to slam your car door.
This would be my dad's favourite law. He has banned certain friends of mine from receiving rides due to too many door slamming infractions.
In Lebanon it's legal to have animal sex, but only with female animals. Animal sex with males is a capital crime.
I'm not even going to ask.
Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium!
Totally unsurprised. I wonder how a pharmacist would fill out that prescription.
Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.
My mom loves romance novels (I think I'm going to throw up)
The average person spends 2 weeks of its life kissing.
Does that mean I've used up my quota??
If you fart constantly for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb
I think this means at the rate my dad goes he would have been able to produce at least 2 atomic bombs by now (as he gets older it only gets worse)
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
I dare you to try!
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!
This explains so much!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Once again...
I am living on antibiotics and painkillers (thanks to a pain in my butt I don't feel like discussing) I've been pretty much laid up for the past 4 days which gave me way too much time to think (more like over think and over analyze). On the news this morning they announced that today was considered the most depressing day of the year. There was a long list of reasons. I think for most people depression is a choice. A lot of people choose to let things bother them, when in all honesty they could just let it go. I think the first time I recognized making a conscious decision was a couple of years ago when I was working the reception desk in my office. It was 8 o'clock in the morning the first customer came in and he was just miserable. He was rude and mean and uncooperative and he really tried to suck out all the energy and the positiveness I'd had to start the day. And as he walked away I remember at that moment thinking I wasn't going to let him ruin my day or affect the day of the other people I would come into contact with. I greeted the next client in line with a smile and "Good Morning" and proceeded on with my day. More recently I was truly tested on my ability to choose to not get depressed by the circumstances I'm in and to just keep moving on. About a week ago I was having a really bad day, everything that could go wrong had. I was already suffering from the pain in my butt, I got stuck at the bus station with no money and it would not accept my bank card (which it normally does), my cell phone was dying, connecting the bank used up all my daytime minutes I had left and it was way too cold outside. When I finally made it to the bank to sort out the bank card issue, I was feeling somewhat down. The teller heard me on the phone explaining to my mom exactly what had gone wrong that day and it was pretty apparent I wasn't thrilled with the service I had received from the bank so far. As I stepped up to talk to him I decided that there was no point on taking things out on him, he had nothing to do with had gone wrong and it wouldn't help me to get agitated with someone who was just trying to help. I think what truly surprised him is that after everything I had been through that afternoon is once I checked my card at the ATM and made sure everything was alright I went back and thanked him for his help. I think what I'm learning is to control my reactions regarding the situations I'm in. There's no point working myself up and getting upset when I at times have little to no control over what goes on around me other then how I choose to react.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Carry On...
I never did know when to quit. My mom has always said I was the most persistent, tenacious, (annoying) child ever. It was just never in me to give up on things. Many of my teachers can attest to this as I sure 30% of the "A"s I ended up with started as "B"s. I can't honestly think of anything I've ever truly wanted or needed that I've given up on. I've consider it at times, but usually due to external pressures. Some times it really is a challenge to keep going knowing that there are so many obstacles there are ahead, but knowing that what I want is rarely ever simply handed over I carry on.
Gotta be
This is my favourite song of all time. This will be my wedding song, it's the song I've played for every broken heart, the song I sing in the shower, I could probably sing it backwards if I had to. Last year I saw Jagged Edge in concert for the first time and it had to be one of the greatest moments of my life. This is and always will be MY SONG!
Him
He's that guy that would bring a smile to your face just by thinking about him. He's the one that you would call and tell all your secrets to. The one you wanted to fall asleep on the phone with, so his would be the last voice you heard before you fell asleep and the first when you woke up. Your first kiss, your first love, your first everything. The guy you measure every other man against. The one you gave the key to your heart to and never got it back. The one that every time the phone rings, there's a knock on the door, the one new message in your inbox, you hope it's him. The one that made you feel beautiful in your sweats and tee. He's your Prince Charming...
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Queen for the day
Today I was proclaimed The Queen of the Office. It was quite an honour, which I accepted most graciously. As I was making my good morning round about the office a co-worker informed me she had left something at my desk for me to wear today. I was pleasantly surprised to find a crown sitting on my desk. She stopped by to say she had gotten the crown and a party and brought it in and was trying to decide who to give it to but it was an easy decision as I am so obviously The Queen of the office. It was a beautiful crown, silver with feathers and very shiny. I wore it proudly around the office all day. At times I would forget I was wearing it and wonder what people were staring at (you would think by now I would be accustom to people staring at me (no, I'm not conceited (OKAY, maybe just a little))). One co-worker took the crown to mean I've had a total psychotic breakdown. I don't think anyone was quite as startled by the crown as my father (whose exact words I believe were, "what is that sh*t on your head???) as we both had doctors appointments this afternoon, he was giving me a ride there and refused to let me leave the car with the crown. If I'd known wearing a crown garners as much attention as it did today, I would have started wearing one years ago.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Still waiting...
I have to admit that someone disappointed me lately and I'm not quite sure why I am so surprised they did. I confided some things to a friend of mine (I'll call him Mikey) and it wasn't because I wanted an apology or to somehow change the past, I just felt like sharing it (just in one of those moods), so I sent off an email not really expecting a response, but just glad to get it off my chest. To my delight he called and we discussed things and I was truly excited by the prospect of a new beginning. It was probably also really good to get his insight and opinions on different situations. We made some decisions and so far he has failed to follow through. I guess I can only wait and see.
Say Anything...
In the movie Say Anything John Cusack sends his love interest this really great letter, it was very sweet and romantic (the kind of letter all teenage girls want from their boyfriends but never get). Before she gets the letter she breaks up with him and he of course is hurt and crushed. He tries repeatedly to call her and only gets the answering machine and finally he leaves her this message, "Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing
- about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later." Sometimes I really feel like saying that to people. The maybe I don't really know you and you were just a mirage. Or asking them to forget or erase different things I've said or done or written. For them to nuke it, flame it, just destroy because it really does hurt to know it's out there in the world.
- about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later." Sometimes I really feel like saying that to people. The maybe I don't really know you and you were just a mirage. Or asking them to forget or erase different things I've said or done or written. For them to nuke it, flame it, just destroy because it really does hurt to know it's out there in the world.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Someone once told me...
You can't step over the same river twice. It was in regards to an "opportunity" that I would be passing up. In my youthful ignorance I laughed in there face and said not only would I be able to step over it twice but a million times because the river would always there waiting for me. I went back to the river recently expecting it to be unchanged, like a moment frozen in time. I could not have been more wrong, the river had grown and changed and apparently forgotten me. I realized I had crossed too quickly when first I went this way and not taken the time to recognize it's beauty or appreciate it's peacefulness. I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dripped it carelessly. I didn't know, I held opportunity.
Hard to explain
I'm not a touchy person. I like to believe that for the most part I let things roll of my back. In general I would say it takes a lot to offend me (I mean A LOT). During the course of my work, I listen to peoples stories and hear their sides or perspectives of things and admittedly at times they say things that are not the most appropriate (especially in regards to other ethnic groups). Today someone said something and it was in such a deregatory manner I couldn't help but take offense. When you have no idea of whose on the other line of the phone, I can't imagine why people feel as comfortable to say the things they do. What he said wasn't super horrible or hateful, it was just rude and ignornant. To be honest I'm still kind of shocked. He stated a stereotype as fact and it just really bothered me. That's all I have to say on that for now.
2008 the "Big Picture"
There's a lot planned for this year. I'm not going to say I have resolutions, but I do have things I would like to get done. Leslie has said that to be included in my list is travelling with Leslie. This means for sure this year I'm either heading to Australia or the Philippines. There is also a family reunion in Trinidad, which my father has decided to turn into a real vacation (of the all-inclusive variety). Both items mean a lot of time on the beach. That in turn brings out the requirement for a beach body. In the never ending chain reaction that means diet and exercise. Diet and exercise results in a grumpy but good looking me. So it looks like for the next 5months there will be a lot of running. School starts again tonight I'm on the path for my first university "A". The goal for the next school year is to go back to full time student status (for some reason it's not quite as impressive when I say I work full time and I'm a part time student). That will require money, which will require overtime, which again results in a grumpy me. To the dismay of many (many = my psychiatrist and jeweller)I've decided to retreat from the world of relationships (I'm not quite sure what this means yet, when I figure it out I'll let you know). So here it is:
- Travel with Leslie (Australia and/or Philippines)
- Earn lots of money (Overtime)
- Vacation with family (Trinidad and Margarita)
- Develop beach body (Eat right and exercise)
- Focus on school (Full time student status)
- No more boys (unless I'm really bored)
- Not became a grumpy bitch (haven't figured out how to achieve that one yet)
- Marry Rich (if the opportunity presents itself)
- Record a hit album (again, if the opportunity presents itself)
Most importantly I will endeavor to not kill anyone regardless of how much they are asking for it.
It's Taser party time
When I was 14 or 15 my cousins from D.C. and a friend of theirs came up to Toronto for a visit. The friend, John, had just finished a trip to see his dad in Florida and as a gift he had received a taser (I'm 99% sure it should not have crossed the boarder, but it did). John was quite proud of his taser and you could see he was just itching for an excuse to use (and he almost did on drunk, homeless guy after our trip to the Ex). John had been pulling it out of his pocket and playing with it all day and we all kept telling he should just leave it alone. As we piled back in to the car to head him, we heard the loudest scream I think I've heard in my life. John had put the taser in his back pocket and when he sat down he set it off and it tasered his ass. To this day whenever the subject of a taser comes up, I can't help but get a little smile on my face.
I found the article on taser parties quite interesting. I can understand the appeal of being able to defend yourself with something that is easy to use, will disable your attacker and for the most part not be lethal. However, I'm sure if I purchased one the appeal to use it on my brother would be overwhelming. As well, I'm sure karma would see to it that I taser myself in the ass at least twice. I've done the self defense courses and read the articles and make sure to keep myself out of situations that would require self-defense, I still see the upper hand the taser gives as very beneficial.
I found the article on taser parties quite interesting. I can understand the appeal of being able to defend yourself with something that is easy to use, will disable your attacker and for the most part not be lethal. However, I'm sure if I purchased one the appeal to use it on my brother would be overwhelming. As well, I'm sure karma would see to it that I taser myself in the ass at least twice. I've done the self defense courses and read the articles and make sure to keep myself out of situations that would require self-defense, I still see the upper hand the taser gives as very beneficial.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
The Bathroom
I'm suppose to be cleaning the bathroom right now and it is task I find most bothersome. How it manages to get to the state its in is something I'll never know. I had to leave the area for a moment as the 3 tile cleaners I used (appearently they should not be used at the same time) were giving off fumes, resulting in the death of enough brain cells for me to feel light headed. I'm feeling kind of proud of myself as the toilet has not been working for a couple of months and I've finally figured out what was wrong (the problem could have been figured out almost the day it had happened if I had just asked my dad). Right now I'm just procrastinating as I really don't want to go back in there. There's something about cleaning the bathroom that just feels so wrong. I NEED a maid. While on the topic I could also use a chauffeur, chef, pilot, hair stylist and makeup artist (preferably all in one). If anyone is interested please drop me a line;p
Saturday, January 05, 2008
"What Men SHOULD Know About Women"
Just before Christmas I was in the bookstore and I noticed a book called something like "What Men Know About Women". It looked to be about 100 pages, which surprised me, until I opened it up realized it was blank inside, not a single word was written. It's surprising the number of things my girlfriends and I would love guys to know but wish they could figure it out without having to say anything. So here's a list I found on the Internet and thought it would be a good starting point.
When she walks away from you mad
- Follow her
When she stares at your mouth
- Kiss her
When she pushes you or hits you
- Grab her and don't let go
When she starts cussing at you
- Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
- Ask her whats wrong
When she ignores you
- Give her your attention
When she pulls away
- Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
- Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
- Just hold her and don't say a word
When you see her walking
- Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
- Protect her
When she lays her head on your shoulder
- Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steals your favorite hat
- Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you
- Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn't answer for a long time
- reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt
- Back yourself up
When she says that she likes you
- she really does more than you could understand
When she grabs at your hands
- Hold hers and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you
- bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret
- keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
- don't look away until she does
When she misses you
- she's hurting inside
When you break her heart
- the pain never really goes away
When she says its over and waits for a response
- she still wants you to be hers
You should always:
- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's OK don't believe it, talk with her
- Know 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
And most importantly...
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
I think if boyfriends/husbands followed these simple guidelines their lives would be much happier.
When she walks away from you mad
- Follow her
When she stares at your mouth
- Kiss her
When she pushes you or hits you
- Grab her and don't let go
When she starts cussing at you
- Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
- Ask her whats wrong
When she ignores you
- Give her your attention
When she pulls away
- Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
- Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
- Just hold her and don't say a word
When you see her walking
- Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
- Protect her
When she lays her head on your shoulder
- Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steals your favorite hat
- Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you
- Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn't answer for a long time
- reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt
- Back yourself up
When she says that she likes you
- she really does more than you could understand
When she grabs at your hands
- Hold hers and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you
- bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret
- keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
- don't look away until she does
When she misses you
- she's hurting inside
When you break her heart
- the pain never really goes away
When she says its over and waits for a response
- she still wants you to be hers
You should always:
- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's OK don't believe it, talk with her
- Know 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
And most importantly...
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
I think if boyfriends/husbands followed these simple guidelines their lives would be much happier.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Nice Guys?
Okay so this post can be blamed on a friend of mine that I won't call bitter (although the term comes to mind), instead we'll call her jaded. As we were discussing the lack of nice guys, we both had to admit something. The nice guys never took a risk. They never asked you out, never went for a stolen kiss, never asked for a dance. They were content to let the jerks do all the work. The jerks had no problem asking for a date,or a kiss, or more. Then when we started dating the jerks at first you could see they were fine with the jerk as they expected him to not last long and if they thought that could get away with it, they would badmouth the jerk behind his back. Slowly, you stopped talking to the nice guy as it always seemed awkward and forced. One day you wake up and realize the nice guy has disappeared and all your left with is the jerk. Personally, I kind of admire the jerk, I'm sure it takes a lot of hard work to be as uncaring and selfish as they normally are and their ability to lie and deceive is truly masterful. So the point I was getting to was that the nice guy only has himself to blame, if he had stepped up and taken a chance I'm sure it would have worked out in is favour. If anything the nice guy should be blamed for assisting in the formation of so many bitches in the world. Being a bitch can be completely avoided if a female never comes in contact with a jerk. What happens is there is a chemical reaction that occurs when a female and a jerk collide and it results in a bitch. Had the nice guy simply stepped up, the majority of the world's bitches could have been avoided. If anything the nice guy is the root of all that is wrong in relationships.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
In my humble opinion...
I think the world would be a much better place if I had the power to make people instantly smarter. Like the lady at Second Cup who has no understanding of basic mathematics and always manages to mess up my change. Or the bus driver who sees the passenger running for his life to catch the bus and takes off just as the passenger is only two steps away. Additionally, my brother who needs to be smarter in so many different aspects of life it is not worth just mentioning one. Then there are the parents who (I'm sure) see the signs saying do not take open strollers on the escalator and still insist on doing so (to be honest I'm usually the person standing behind them that points out the sign and mentions how moronic some parents are). There are so many people who would benefit if I had such a power, especially men. Far be it for me to speak poorly about the weaker sex, but for the most part I find that they are not the most intelligent of creatures. Generally if you don't beat them over the head with a concept it rarely ever sinks in. (It's quite possibly I'm just in a bitchy mood and half of this post will be deleted when I come to my senses (or more likely I'm just being honest, in which case this post will remain entirely intact). There are numerous examples of males lacking in common sense that come to mind. Those that don't call when they should, those that lead females on when they know they shouldn't, those that fail to make the first move (or any move for that point), the ones that forget to make the small gestures or don't even think about making the big ones. Those are the guys I'd like to make smarter, not necessarily for my sake, but for every female that has to interact with them. *SIGH* if only I could rule the world.
Taking Chances...
I am a firm believer in not living with regrets. I never want to be one of those people that 20 years down the road realize my life isn't where I wanted it to be and have a million and one regrets of things I haven't done. I know I'm still young and learning as I go along, but I can't ever see myself as being one of those to not take a risk for fear of failure. Recently, I took two very big chances, one I expected to have totally blow up in my face and the other I thought would simply be ignored. Both (for now) have had really positive outcomes and I can gladly say I'll never wonder "what if" in regards to both situations.
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