I totally understand why this is such a hard concept for most females to grasp. In thier search for The One (if you don't know, you better ask someone) they like to believe that with everyone there is the possibility for something more. Fortunately, I don't suffer from this disease. For the most part I tend to believe most people man and woman alike are simply after the coveted position as one of my flunkies... I mean friends. Basically, unless a man (and yes, it must be a man) spells it right out for me (MS, I love you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby) I normally don't believe that he is (God only knows why) for some reason secretly in love with me or has been pining after me. I don't think of the male of the species as very complicated or difficult to understand. For the most part men only want two things in life (sex and once that need as been fulfilled someone to look after them (I'm just stating what I've been told (any complaints should be lodged with Diogo))). Knowing this makes it infinitely easier to see when he is just not into you.
First thing to consider is communication. If a guy is interested he will call, text, send smoke signals, whatever he feels is necessary to contact you. If he fails to instigate any form of communication that doesn't bode well for you. Please, whatever you do, don't excuse away the missed "I'll call you back later". There are 24 hours in a day, if he has time to eat 7 square meals, get in some Playstation 3 and talk with his boys, he should be able to squeeze in a 2 minute phone call to you somewhere. Making excuses for him is the worst thing someone can do while suffering under the "I know he really cares for me" delusion.
The next thing to keep in mind is does he remember the big things. I'm not talking about birthdays or what zodiac sign you are on the Chinese calendar. Does he remember your name is a great starting point. If every conversation starts with "Who is this?" my educated guess would have to be that he is really not that interested. Does he remember what you do for a living or things you talked about in your last conversation (like how many of his children you wish to bear (never a good conversation point until you've trapped him into (I mean helped him to realize what a great ideal it would be) walking down the aisle)? When a guy is truly interested he'll remember the details (like what you had for breakfast 3 Mondays ago) even those things you really don't want him to remember (like the time you flashed a bus load of people (okay, that might just have been me)).
Another sure sign is does he talk about other girls to you. Generally, if he tells you about dates with other females (and goes into the graphic details (things you just never imagine two human beings doing to each other (a post for another day))). What he is trying to say in his simpleton way is that he is not interested and he is attempting to let you down easy (I don't know how or why their minds think like that, but apparently they do). By letting you know that his interest lies elsewhere you should actually take it as if he came out and said I'm sorry I'm into her not you (A man usually won't come out and say something so straight forward (I think honesty causes them a sort of allergic reaction which they try to avoid at all costs)) (I have this sinking suspicious that statement is going to not go over well with everyone). If he is dating someone else he's just not into you.
It boils down to this if a man really wants to be with you he will be. Come hell or high water he'll make every effort humanly possible. If he shows disinterest don't go making excuses for him or yourself.
Just My Thoughts on he is just not into you.
(Please keep in mind that it is nearing 4 o'clock in the morning and what little common sense I have at the best of times I'm sure by now has deserted me. If anything written above offends or bothers you in any way... SUCK IT UP!!! Sometimes the only way to prove something to others is to pull your pants down and show them that you've got a pair(I have to clue how that pertains to anything, I just like the saying)
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4 comments:
but you don't understand! this ones different! he's just sooooooo in love with me he's afraid to admit it. that's why he's so closed off!
haha. we tell ourselves these things... but ya, the reality is he's just not that into you.
nice post MS!
i believe in the saying, "If a man likes you, nothing can stop him. And if he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay..."
I have to agree that if he's really into you, he will go the extra mile or atleast make some effort on his end. even if he can't say it out loud, he will drop hints.
Making excuses for a guy that's not into you is pretty useless... if he hasn't noticed you by now, it must tell you something. Move on.. if he realizes his stupidity later on, good for you! he better hope you haven't moved on to greener pastures. LOL!
Good post!!! But you forget one distinct human trait. We, men and women enjoy the challenge. Referred to it as the game, the hunt. Relationships that are two easy may lack the excitement that makes the heart beat and your mouth water. Anyone about to state they don't like the game, as yourself do you like the reward.
This is way I may suggest that as truthful (for the most part) as your post is women and man in general will never follow your rules.
Interesting... Way too much on the post to comment about. But I liked that you pointed out that if the guy is dating someone else you should forget about him. Its amazing when you realise how may girls stick to a guy who IS DATING by telling themselves that they would be a better match. I find it very twisted yet some people out there do it!
Tibor is right though, things dont always go as smoothly as we'd like them to. I mean the fact that a guy remembers details about me and calls me 20 times a day does NOT impress me ONE bit. Because they are very good at getting into "that mode" to impress, its just a facade. I need to see a LOT MORE than that. Because boys know a lot about gurls and what they want, they will do it whats necessary. I remember one of my cousins telling me that he wanted to date a gurl and apparently she got really into a guy who would cry if he got hurt. so guess what he did? He went and hung out with her and * tear, * tear. Guess what she did? DATED him of coss.. pathetic man
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