He's Just Not Into You

I totally understand why this is such a hard concept for most females to grasp. In thier search for The One (if you don't know, you better ask someone) they like to believe that with everyone there is the possibility for something more. Fortunately, I don't suffer from this disease. For the most part I tend to believe most people man and woman alike are simply after the coveted position as one of my flunkies... I mean friends. Basically, unless a man (and yes, it must be a man) spells it right out for me (MS, I love you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby) I normally don't believe that he is (God only knows why) for some reason secretly in love with me or has been pining after me. I don't think of the male of the species as very complicated or difficult to understand. For the most part men only want two things in life (sex and once that need as been fulfilled someone to look after them (I'm just stating what I've been told (any complaints should be lodged with Diogo))). Knowing this makes it infinitely easier to see when he is just not into you.

First thing to consider is communication. If a guy is interested he will call, text, send smoke signals, whatever he feels is necessary to contact you. If he fails to instigate any form of communication that doesn't bode well for you. Please, whatever you do, don't excuse away the missed "I'll call you back later". There are 24 hours in a day, if he has time to eat 7 square meals, get in some Playstation 3 and talk with his boys, he should be able to squeeze in a 2 minute phone call to you somewhere. Making excuses for him is the worst thing someone can do while suffering under the "I know he really cares for me" delusion.

The next thing to keep in mind is does he remember the big things. I'm not talking about birthdays or what zodiac sign you are on the Chinese calendar. Does he remember your name is a great starting point. If every conversation starts with "Who is this?" my educated guess would have to be that he is really not that interested. Does he remember what you do for a living or things you talked about in your last conversation (like how many of his children you wish to bear (never a good conversation point until you've trapped him into (I mean helped him to realize what a great ideal it would be) walking down the aisle)? When a guy is truly interested he'll remember the details (like what you had for breakfast 3 Mondays ago) even those things you really don't want him to remember (like the time you flashed a bus load of people (okay, that might just have been me)).

Another sure sign is does he talk about other girls to you. Generally, if he tells you about dates with other females (and goes into the graphic details (things you just never imagine two human beings doing to each other (a post for another day))). What he is trying to say in his simpleton way is that he is not interested and he is attempting to let you down easy (I don't know how or why their minds think like that, but apparently they do). By letting you know that his interest lies elsewhere you should actually take it as if he came out and said I'm sorry I'm into her not you (A man usually won't come out and say something so straight forward (I think honesty causes them a sort of allergic reaction which they try to avoid at all costs)) (I have this sinking suspicious that statement is going to not go over well with everyone). If he is dating someone else he's just not into you.

It boils down to this if a man really wants to be with you he will be. Come hell or high water he'll make every effort humanly possible. If he shows disinterest don't go making excuses for him or yourself.

Just My Thoughts on he is just not into you.
(Please keep in mind that it is nearing 4 o'clock in the morning and what little common sense I have at the best of times I'm sure by now has deserted me. If anything written above offends or bothers you in any way... SUCK IT UP!!! Sometimes the only way to prove something to others is to pull your pants down and show them that you've got a pair(I have to clue how that pertains to anything, I just like the saying)

Eat, Drink and Be Merry

As per usual after class I stayed behind to talk with the professor. There's a group of about 8 of us that normally do. He asked if any of us know Mike who tends to be one of us that sticks around to chat for a while. I knew who he was talking of even though I can't say that Mike and I are well acquainted. It turns out that this classmate of mine may have had a heart attack and he was currently in the ICU at the hospital for observations and more testing to figure out exactly what is wrong. If you knew this guy you could never imagine that something like that would happen to him; he is only something like 25 years old, he's tall and skinny and appeared to be in good health. Thinking of him reminded me of a situation a couple of years ago. I used to do camp counseling every summer and you get to know each other pretty while after a summer together for 11 hours a day. For those that don't know in York Region there is a lot of training and seminars you must attend prior to the start of the summer. One of the counselors I'd hung out with the previous summer and I'd just spent March Break working with her boyfriend; we ended up partnering up at one of the all day seminars we had to attend. A couple of weeks later I found out she had gone out partying that night, come home and had a heart attack while she was sleeping and died. The explanation was that she had been anorexic for years and that it was too much strain on her body and her heart gave out. It was difficult to believe at the time because she seemed so normal. She was a beautiful girl, she had good grades and she didn't look the way you imagine someone suffering from anorexia would. She looked normal, healthy, athletic. Often when I think of her, I think of wasted potential, someone who when standing on the outside looking in, appeared to have everything going for her. At the time this was something like the 3 or 4 death of a high school student in our district. You heard the expression "Die young and leave a beautiful corpse" being bandied around a lot. Nothing was more upsetting than that stupid expression. I think we can all agree that by the time we die the condition of our corpse won't be a very pressing issue. I'd much rather know that I'd lived a good, long, happy life and left memories that could be thought of fondly. I have no problem with death. To accept mortality is the price that we pay to be human. Life can be difficult, frustrating, painful and we know there is a death sentence at the end, but to live life to the fullest carries its own peculiar glory. A life full of laughter and love is something that should be sought after and cherished. Although, I don't really know Mike and the most we've probably said to each other is a passing hello, he'll be kept in my prayers.

I'm not your tradegy

This is a random collection of different sayings and lyrics from my ratty, old notebook (we're talking all the way back to grade 9 people). My ratty, old notebook also contains a surprising amount of conjugated Latin (a failed attempt to launch a Latin club (grade 11 (I told you I'm a geek))) and curse words in 5 different languages (predominately Spanish) and the awkward account of my first love according to me (honesty and accuracy do not seem to have played a big role in that recollection). I figured I might as well do something with them as there not as bad as I originally feared (see, cleaning my room has some benefits).


Here we go (I'll start with one of my favourites):

I miss the way he could make me laugh when I didn't even want to smile

Seconds, minutes, hours and even days have passed,
And yet you didn't come back...
Memories of the past have been haunting me...
Only a glimpse of you will make this longing feeling right,
So I'll wait for the day that you'll come back.

We may not be lovers kissing each other, holding hands, exchanging I love you's, I may not be your girl or you my man. But one thing is for sure: that when I find someone exactly like you... I won't make the same mistake again

Never say I love you if you don't really care. Never talk about feelings if they are not really there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.

My hands are made to touch you...
My lips were made to kiss you...
My arms were made to hug you...
Now my eyes are crying for you because I know that your heart was not made to love mine.

I'm afraid to close my eyes because I might dream of you.
I'm afraid to open them because I won't see you there.

One day you'll love me as I loved you
One day you'll cry for me as I cried for you
One day you'll need me like I needed you
One day you'll want me but I'll no longer want you

I cannot change the past, but I can let it go.

As time passes by and the years multiply
I'll still be loving you

Why should I give up the fight now?
What if I'm the one who supposed to win?

My body can grow old.
My face can get wrinkled.
Everything in this world can change
Except my love for you

God has blessed me to share time and space with a man he created just for me some will never know that not even a portion of that.

Love can never be unsure.

I'm not afraid of death, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm not afraid of my heart breaking and I'm not afraid of crying. The only thing I fear of ever really coming true, is living this fearless life without you

You are no longer the old friend that I longed for or the one who's there to comfort me when I cry. You're no longer the shadow that guides me or the one who catches me when I fall. You're just a memory that will soon fade with it all.

I don't run from you, I walk away slowly and it kills me because you don't care enough to stop me...


(I honestly don't know who to accredit these to or where I picked them up over the years (I have a feeling that some of them sound suspiciously like L.A.P.). Additionally, I am completely unwilling to lay claim to any that may be original MS in the event they may be used as evidence in the existence of me having a heart. In case you hadn't noticed the have a tendency to sound kind of post heart break seeing as the majority were located in the section right after the account of my first love, I think it gives away the fact that the ending was not a very happy one.)

The wrong impression

Don't get it twisted. I'm doin just fine (fantastic, actually) my marks at school are good and only getting better, I'm getting the new job down, my health is slowly but surely improving and right now I'm just working on the details. Pulling every together. I was just saying I'd much rather be here and now than where I was. LIFE IS SWEET,and I'm loving everyday of it (the only improvement to be made is a little more sleep(okay a LOT more sleep)).

What Shall I Infer?

The war is lost, not simply the battle and I live on to fight another day.

Sleepless in Toronto

Another restless night and sleep is elusive. I miss the days of resting my head on the pillow and going straight to sleep.

Not All Scars Are Bad

Sometimes the remnants of a past pain remind us of what we've overcome.

I Get It Now!!!

You know the saying "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". I've never fully appreciated it until recently. Most of what I've wanted I've received but it's not all it was cracked up to be. I don't really want to go in to details, but I'll share that I'm definitely learning things the hard way (truly my least favourite way to do anything). I suppose the next cliche I'll have to get used to is "I made my bed, now sleep in it!"

I know what that smile means ; )

I was on the bus yesterday when a young man got on and sat beside me. He was the spitting image of a good friend of mine I have seen in years. The memories of the time we shared together and I couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face. It made me think of how grateful I should be for the number of people in my life that the simple thought of them brings a smile to my face. Those that in every conversation at least one of us says "remember that time..." and then we spend the next 5 minutes laughing hysterically over that time we thought we could be back up dancers for Salt & Peppa (sadly, the video tape of our rehearsal still exist somewhere) or the time we decided to be matchmakers and sent love letters to random classmates (for some reasons a lot of the stories seem to revolve about different things that got us into trouble). This particular friend and I did a lot of traveling together (Kentucky, Washington D.C. and California)and for a while we were so close it was like having another little brother (but one I actually liked). Many of our little adventures ended with us on the bedroom floor (usually mine) laughing so hard we couldn't breathe (the Condom Shack/Speaker's Corner adventure was by far the most entertaining(getting kicked out of Old Navy in D.C. was kind of fun too)). I guess all I really hope for is that they can think back on our times together with as much fondness as I do.

The Perfect Love Song

Boyz II Men's new album The Remedy was released yesterday. Personally, I think it's their best work since their second album. I already have a few favourites: The Last Time, Just Like Me, Morning Love, Here I Come (best song on the album (IMO)), Booed Up, Gonna Have and Perfect Love Song. All I'm waiting for now is to find out when the Toronto concert dates will be.

Perfect Love Song

I've been thinking of you
And I've been trying to figure out
What you remind me of
Cause you are...nothing like I've ever known

Are you an angel
Sent to me... feeling so unreal
Must be heavenly, It's a mystery
And it hit me,that you remind me of the perfect words

The perfect words written by your favorite singer
The type of song that you turn into an ring tone
I get this feeling every time I think of you
And I know,you're the perfect love song

Ronald Isley,Babyface,Jodeci and Marvin Gaye
Made melodies that can't be replaced
But you...you're the perfect love song

Joe,R Kelly,Mary J,Faith,Mariah and Sade
Made the Whole world sing many times,many ways
But you are
You're the perfect love song

You're voice is soothing to me
Like the strings of a guitar
It takes me right back to the beginning
And I fall in love all over

You never, never ask for nothing
That's why I wanna give you everything
That's why I sing, the joy you bring
It's worth more than the perfect love words

The perfect words written by your favorite singer
The type of song that you turn into an ring tone
I get this feeling every time I think of you
And I know,you're the perfect love song

Joe,R Kelly,Mary J,Faith,Mariah and Sade
Made the Whole world sing many times,many ways
But you are
You're the perfect love song

Every time I'm with you
I get inspired to be a better man
Your love is timeless, it lasts forever
Like the perfect love song

Ronald Isley,Babyface,Jodeci and Marvin Gaye
Made melodies that can't be replaced
But you...you're the perfect love song

Usher,Brandy and Beyonce
Voices sound so heavenly
Made the whole world sing
Many times,many ways
But you are the perfect love song

Ronald Isley,Babyface,Jodeci and Marvin Gaye
Made melodies that can't be replaced
But you...you're the perfect love song

Joe,R Kelly,Mary J,Faith,Mariah and Sade
Made the Whole world sing many times,many ways
But you are
You're the perfect love song

Ready to Jump

I have this overwhelming urge to jump into the unknown, to explore the unexplored, to just go for it. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. There always appears to be a reason to wait or think things through. I want to act now. To have no regrets. To live today as though tomorrow is a foreign concept. I'm tired of waiting for the right person, place or time. I'm the right person, this is the right place and now is the right time. My potential is limitless and my opportunities endless.

I need to go for a walk...

My Funny Valentine

Not my favourite holiday…
There are a number of things wrong with the Valentine's Day Holiday. First and foremost a day off is not involved (what's the point of a holiday with no day off (Easter gets bonus points for two days off). Secondly, it sets people up for disappointment. Those in a relationship often do not have their expectations met and those not in a relationship obsesses over not being in a relationship and plan the dreaded anti-valentine day party (possibly the stupidest thing ever invented (a bunch of desperate, depressed people gathered together under the guise of misery loves company). Thirdly, why wait for a certain day to let someone know you love them and I'm sure there are much better ways to express love other than a box of chocolates or some flowers (I personally advocate the "I was thinking about you" phone call or email on a regular basis (however, if any man wished to express his love for me in the form of a 2.5 carat, d colour, internally flawless, brilliant cut, platinum set diamond ring I wouldn't object)). Finally, the poor, forgetful, significant other, it's bad enough we have to remember birthdays and anniversaries to throw in V-Day is just mean (My B-day March 29th (If you’re a faithful reader you'll no doubt see many reminders in the coming month). I often can't recall how I made it to work in the morning or what I had for breakfast to expect me to remember V-Day is just unreasonable. And the little reminders I set up never seem to help, there appears to be a gene in my family that makes us unable to remember events on the day they actually occur (We all remember my parents anniversary is August 25th yet every single year we fail (forget) to acknowledge on the actual day (someone always remembers the next day)).

So just in case I forget to say it tomorrow (which I'm certain I will)

Happy Valentine's Day

Worth a visit

I don't know if anyone has visited the website of my friend, Cris. She has some of the most breathe-taking photos and thought-provoking posts (if you can read Portuguese, I'm sure you'll love her site even more). I found this quote on her site this morning and it gave me pause, so I decided to share.

"Your whole life leads you back Home, back to me. Therefore, bless every event, every person, every moment, for each is sacred. Even if you disagree with that event, even if you dislike that person, even if you are not enjoying that moment, all are sacred (...) and there is nothing more sacred than Knowing, and then Experiencing, what Life has to tell us about our Selves."

Home With God
Neale Donald Walsch

Black History Month

I don't love the concept of Black History Month. In school I was encouraged (forced) to complete my independent study project (which happen to be assigned in February) on the history of the African-Caribbean people in Canada. Ever since I find I can't get into the spirit of Black History Month. I understand the importance in knowing where you come from, however my heritage here in Canada (the African-Caribbean side anyways) begins and ends at my dad. I do feel a certain sense of obligation so here it goes:

Did you know that…
February was designated as Black History Month after passage of a motion introduced by MP Jean Augustine – the first black Canadian woman to hold a federal cabinet post – in December 1995.
The first recorded person of African origin to travel to Canada was Mathieu Da Costa, an interpreter who accompanied French explorers Pierre Du Gua De Monts and Samuel de Champlain on their voyages at the beginning of the 1600s. Da Costa helped the French explorers communicate with the Mi'kmaq and understand their culture.
Approximately 662,000 Canadians identified themselves as black in the 2001 Census. The majority of these (78.4 percent) live in Toronto, Montréal, Ottawa-Gatineau, Vancouver and Halifax.
Today, most of Canada's black population is of Caribbean background.
The first black Canadian Member of Parliament was Lincoln Alexander, who held his seat from 1968 until 1980. Alexander was also the first black person in Canada to be appointed to a vice-regal position, after he was named Lieutenant-Governor of Ontario in 1985.
Canada's current Governor-General, Michaelle Jean, is the first African-Caribbean person to hold this post.

Interesting fact: My grandfather looks just like Lincoln Alexander and is often mistaken for him at the airport and while visiting Toronto.

That's about as much as I can do on Black History Month (no real effort was exerted in the making of this post, basically if I'd done any less research I would have been making stuff up).

Healthy Level of Insanity

Any given day I get 10 to 15 forwards, many of them are repeats from people who don't bother to check the address line. The other day I received the following:

Twenty Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors."

7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile and wonder what happened to #10, 15 & 16!!

It's Called Therapy...


It's a little embarrassing to inform others that of the 17 items on the list I'd already completed 9 of them and the 3 unmentionables (believe me, you don't want to know). I can admit to 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 20 (19 to an extent as I told my sister she had been fired). I've yet to determine what this says about my level of insanity, but I've decided I'd be better off if I don't examine it too closely.

Take a message

I'm feeling mellow

He's the only
Strangely I feel a connection with him
Oddly enough I crave for it not to change
I've never been around someone who makes
everything so easy so free
Either your with me or against me
and he's always with me right by my side
We never have to fuss and fight
24-7-365 days of year all I want to do is have him near
He doesn't call only when he's lonely
It likes nothing I've ever been used to.
What am I going to do
I don't want to lose control
But I love the way he makes me feel
my affection for him is hard to miss
he gives me compassion and understanding
meeting him has been for the best
Couldn't have dreamed a man that's better

Cape Town (The Outline)

*This is just the outline (schedule) of our trip. I'll go into more details about a lot of the events and people in future posts.*

Monday, January 8, 2007

6:00am arrive in Cape Town, South Africa.
Day of rest and acclimatization, exploring local area. We walked around Sea point and Green point area. Visited the V & A Waterfront met Suzy's friend Dael and spend the afternoon to early evening hanging out with Suzy's family.


Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Shop and prepare for wedding.
We took a trip to downtown Cape Town to pick up our traditional outfits. Suzy's cousin, Harmel, helped us out. We went to Greenmarket Square and Golden Acres Mall. Finally got to meet Pascale (Suzy's best friend).

This is a description of Greenmarket Square
It became a farmers' market in 1710 and is now the city's best-known flea market. It is also home to many buskers including dancers, singers and musicians as well as some of Cape Town's more colourful and eccentric characters. It is bordered by a good selection of restaurants and cafes with outdoor tables for alfresco coffees. Beautiful old buildings, including the Old Town House, look over the square.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

TRADITIONAL WEDDING - I don't know where to start with this one so I'll hold off for a while.


Thursday, January 11, 2007

We spend the day recovering from the wedding and partied at Ignite nightclub in Camps Bay in the evening


Friday, January 12, 2007

I'm drawing a blank on the details, but I know we did go to the V & A Waterfront for a while because we had to buy our tickets to Robben Island.


Saturday, January 13, 2007

V & A Waterfront to visit Two Oceans Aquarium
The southern tip of the African continent is the meeting place of two mighty and bountiful oceans, the Indian and the Atlantic. The Two Oceans Aquarium on the V&A Waterfront, Cape Town is ideally positioned to showcase the incredible diversity of marine life found in these two oceans. The Aquarium is one of the top tourist attractions in Cape Town and over 3000 living sea animals, including sharks, fishes, seals, turtles and penguins can be seen in this spectacular underwater nature reserve. This is the largest aquarium in South Africa, housing more than 300 marine species in impressive and informative displays. Watch seals playing underwater or the calm swaying of kelp forests filled with fish.

In the evening we went to a birthday bash in down town Cape Town for one of Jr's friends (Jr is another of Suzy's cousin).


Sunday, January 14, 2007

Day spent at Camps Bay Beach

Camps Bay Beach is a broad stretch of palm tree-lined white sand bordering the bracing waters of the Atlantic ocean. Set at the foot of a spectacular series of mountain peaks, the Twelve Apostles, yet only 10 minutes from the city center by car, it is one of Cape Town's most popular beaches. It is not a sheltered beach, so if the wind is blowing it is advisable to head for Clifton, another breath-taking and more secluded beach just around the corner. The beach side road has a festive atmosphere with a good variety of cafes and restaurants offering great sea views.

In the afternoon (more like early evening) we attended fellowship (church) and than a birthday party for two of Suzy's aunts (twins).


Monday, January 15, 2007

Visit to Bo Kaap and Robben Island (Just Me, Dan and Auntie Leslee)

We paid a visit to the Bo Kaap Museum. This museum features exhibits on the Cape Town Muslim community and historical insight into the city's diverse inhabitants. The museum is situated in a restored home in the historic Bo Kaap style, surrounded by other Cape Dutch architecture painted a spectrum of colors. Exhibits feature educational explanations and artefacts from the 18th century.

Robben Island
A leper colony, an asylum and a prison are some of Robben Island's incarnations during its turbulent history. It is located about 11km from Cape Town's harbour and is most famous as a penal institution that incarcerated many of South Africa's well-known political figures, including Nelson Mandela. It was opened to the public in January 1997 and was declared a World Heritage Site by UNESCO on 1 December 1999. Tours of the island depart from the Clock Tower at the V&A Waterfront. Each tour lasts approximately 3.5 hours (including the crossings) and consists of a bus trip around the island and a guided tour of the prison. The guides are all ex-inmates and provide personal accounts of prison life.


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Trip to Table Mountain – hiked up cable way down (Steve, Dan, Auntie Leslee and Me)


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Recovered from climb and visited Century City Mall


Thursday, January 18, 2007

TRIP TO CAPE POINT
Hired a personal tour guide and private car. We went to Simon's Town, took the "Seal Island" cruise, went to Boulders National Park, saw penguins, climbed up to a light house, visited the most south-western part of Africa and walked to Cape of Good Hope. Driving trip to Cape Point (Cape of Good Hope) on the most scenic drive almost in the world. It was cool.


Friday, January 19, 2007

More Shopping.


Saturday, January 20, 2007

Hop On - Hop Off bus tour trip. Dan and I focused on the Township Tour, while Auntie Leslee and Steve took a walk in the garden.

I Suck!!

Yes, I know I've been neglecting my blog and I'm truly ashamed. I promise to make more of an effort over the next few weeks to be more diligent.

To start I'll have to get the whole Cape Town trip out of my system. New post on Cape Town by tomorrow afternoon is guaranteed.