My Thoughts... on Marriage

Three of my best friends are getting married this summer. As long as they are happy, I'm happy for them. I'm actually going to be in the bridal party for one of them and it's made me think a lot about the institution and what my opinions on it are. So I started asking myself some questions and this is what I found:

What is my first thought when it comes to marriage?

I think Mae West said it best, ""Marriage Is a Great Institution, but I'm Not Ready for an Institution Yet. "

Do I actually want to get married?

Sure (some day in the very (very, very) distant future)

Do I believe a marriage can last in this day and age?

Absolutely (trust me, if my parents can make it work anyone can)

How will I know when I'm ready to get married?

A co-worker and I were talking about marriage and when I said I'm totally not ready to be married anytime soon because I'm not ready to be tied down or be responsible for anyone else but myself, she couldn't have agreed more. She said that if that's how I'm looking at it, as though it's a burden, I'm definitely not ready. She went on to explain she knew she needed to marry her husband when after years of being together, she couldn't wait to get home to him, to talk to him, to see him. When she couldn't imagine coming home to anyone else. When doing the things she'd never liked before was no longer a pain but a joy because she knew how much it would bless him to have all his socks tucked away properly or that special pie for dessert. When making him happy made her happy and vice versa is when she knew they were ready to get married. I thought that was great, the way she made it sound, you could tell she was married to her best friend and couldn't be happier. I'm sure there is no set way to determine when you're ready to get married, but there are a million ways to tell when you're not.

I personally don't believe that marriage is something that is right for everyone and I definitely don't believe that 'gun-shot wedding' is always (or ever) the answer for certain situations. I think the reason why so many marriages fail today is that people don't enter it with a "failure-is-not-an-option" attitude. It's more like "we'll-give-it-a-try-and-if-it-doesn't-work-out-we'll-get-a-divorce" way of thinking. I'm sure all marriages require work and attention as a key to success. When you start on the right foot of making the decision that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and have put in the proper time and thought in making that decision your chances for happy marriage can only be increased. When the decision to marry is rushed or something you feel pressured into, I'm positive, that doesn't help your chance for survival. I don't even like to be rushed to place an order at a restaurant, I can't imagine what it is like for people who feel rushed into a marriage. I'm of the opinion that should you and another person enter into a sexual relationship, you should be pretty darn certain that spending the rest of your life attached to them is a possibility. Does that mean if you get pregnant you must marry them? Not at all, it means should you get pregnant be aware that this person may become a permanent part of your life. I simply can't believe that if you get pregnant you must marry the father of the child. I know for a fact that children benefit from having two parents in their lives that love them, but that doesn't mean they have to be married to each other. If someone makes you totally miserable and brings out the worst in you, because you may have made the wrong (and stupid) decision of sleeping with them, you don't have to multiply the wrong (and stupid) choices by now marrying them. I've seen families were the parent's openly hate each other and staying together for the kids couldn't be more wrong.

Okay, I can see I'm beginning to ramble on and because I have a million and a half thoughts, I'll have to continue on another day. If I didn't cut myself off soon I would end up writing the night away and that (trust me) would make me even more unbearable on a Friday, when I know I'm working overtime on the Saturday (is there possibly a sadder occurrence in the world than having to work on a Saturday?? (I think not!))

That's just my thoughts for now, but you can bet that won't be the last you hear on the subject from me!