Just my thoughts... on life with diabetes

I don't think that a lot of people realize that being diagnosed with diabetes can feel a lot like the loss of a good friend. Gone is the carefree days of doing whatever you want, because not only do you have to watch your diet, you must also consider every action you perform and how it can positively or negatively affect your blood sugars and health. I think that most diabetics have to go through the 7 Stages of Grief...

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain & Guilt
3. Anger & Bargaining
4. Depression
5. The Upward Turn
6. Reconstruction and Working Through
7. Acceptance and Hope

The three stages I want to focus on are 1, 3 and 7. I spent a long time denying the reality of having diabetes. Mostly, because I felt I was too young (and good looking) to have to deal with something like that, it was really surprising and overwhelming. At 21 the last thing you're expecting to hear that that you have type 2 diabetes. If you know me it's not really my thing to feel guilty, so it wasn't a stage I spent too much time in. But I did manage to get really angry, it was probably the most angry I've ever felt, because it just wasn't fair. I was pissed, every once in a while I still feel very angry, because there are days i just don't feel like being diabetic, or having to test my sugars or not eat what I want, it can be hard to not feel angry at the situation. I did get depressed, but not for very long, because I was often reminded of everything I had to be thankful, including the fact that diabetes does not have to be a life sentence. When I got to stage 7 of acceptance and hope it didn't mean that suddenly everything was rainbows and lollipops, it meant I had adapted to a life with diabetes. The situation is what it is, I can't ignore the fact that my life has changed and my mindset must change with it. I've learned to be more creative in meal planning, find activities I can enjoy and feel safe participating in. I don't hide or feel ashamed of what I have to live with. I can't be the same carefree, untroubled me that existed before I was diagnosed. I'm a better me, I have a greater understanding of what is happening in my body. I know how to properly keep my body fueled and take care of myself. I accept the responsibility of being my own biggest advocate and adversary. I find ways to move forward with a positive attitude, knowing that every day I'm doing the best that I can and as I continue to educate myself the easier figuring it all out will be. I'm well aware of what I've lost, but I won't allow that loss to impede on the anticipation of the good time to come and the joy of experiencing life to the fullest.

Debt Free Forever!!!

So it came as kind of a surprise, but I'm finally debt-free. I was checking my credit card balances at the beginning of the month and realized that they were all $0. I can't even begin to explain how happy this made me. It was like this giant weight was lifted from my shoulders. I feel like I'm on a high and whenever I think about it I begin to smile. This means I can get serious about going to Australia and buying a house. It has totally made my month, maybe even my year knowing that every month I don't have to worry about making payments outside of my rent, my phone and my cable bill. I really feel free. I picked up Gail Vaz-Oxlade Debt-Free Forever and I'm hoping to never fall into the trap of credit card debt ever again. I'll try and post interesting tidbits from my readings.

Later!

Unconditional Love

So today I was watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and I heard something that kind of upset me. The girl losing the weight after some success turned to her trainer and said it's nice that she can now start loving herself. I thought that's so sad, that someone felt the need to lose weight in order to start loving themselves. I think that mentallity is something that needs to change for a lot of people. IF I do this, than I can do that... If I lose weight, than I can love myself. Shouldn't it be reversed... because I love myself, I will lose weight and be healthy. Self-love shouldn't be dependent on how much I weigh or what I look like or what other people tell me I should or shouldn't be. I love myself because I'm the best self I can be today. Today is officially the first day of my get healthy journey. I value myself and I want to be able to give myself every opportunity available to me. I don't want to have to limit myself or my dreams because of restrictions I've placed on myself. I know that my value will never be found in being a certain size, but being around for as long as I can with the people I love is the most valuable thing to me.

Moving on...

Sometimes it's not giving up, it's moving on. I like to think that me and my ex-boyfriend didn't break-up we simply moved on. I think that a lot of people spend too much energy on relationships that aren't worth the effort. I also think that's how people get trapped into settling for less than the best. When you've put so much effort into something it does make it a challenge to walk away, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you know isn't right for you because you didn't want to rock the boat. I hate to settle on something for lunch that's just alright, I can't imagine settling on the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I know that right now my energies can be expended in more benefital pursuits and that is what I'm going to focus on.