A little ....

confused

Suck An Elf!

I'm not a big fan of swearing. More often than not you'll hear me saying "sugar" or "fudging", which are my versions of bad words (sometimes I'll even throw in a "suck an elf"). I generally have to be really upset or angered to use what I consider inappropriate language. What's funny is the one exception is that in certain social crowds I feel pressured to use bad language. I find some sort of cuss word must be thrown into every sentence or so by those around me. It's like people don't stop being rebellious teenagers and they need to do it in order to show "I'm an adult, look at me, I can use bad words!" And I'll stand there and I can feel them judging me for using correct grammar, refraining from profanity and saying "pardon" instead of "what" or "huh". I feel compelled to say something like "That's f*****g right!!" or "You're s******g me!!” I don't feel peer pressure when it comes to drinking, smoking or doing drugs, instead for me its bad language.

That’s Fucked!!!

Growing Up

I hate to admit to growing up because somehow it feels like I've lost the battle. I spent so many years running and hiding from it, that sadly, I feel somewhat relieved to think the process has finally caught up with me. It entailed a lot of little aspects of change, including buying a purse that can't be worn as a backpack, shying away from neon blue, pink and yellow eyeshadow and explaining to my sister not to interrupt when grown ups are speaking. As well, giving up the idea that certain friendships must be kept and certain loves can't be outgrown. However, I've discovered that growing up doesn't mean I have to stop laughing or having fun. I can still dress up for Halloween and play Monkey in the Middle. I can still enjoy my fairy tales (just not the ones where the princess is sitting there waiting for a prince to rescue her). I can build sandcastles, play with lego and have a conversation with a 4 year old about why I love being 4. I think as long as I don't have to turn into an "Adult" I'll be fine.

Don't Get Me Started!!

The One

When I hear someone use the phrase "The One" it sends a chill through my heart. There’s a scene in the movie Ever After that helps illustrate one of my many problems with “The One”;

Henry: Then let's say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or, was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?

If it’s “chance” than who really cares; it might or might not happen so why worry about it?

If it’s “fate” than who really cares; it’s going to happen anyway to why worry about?

Now lets think about it, if were all meant to be with that “One” why do more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Does that mean we are all really terrible at finding “The One”?

Believe me I’m just getting started when I have more time and freedom (stuck in training room (being watched)) I’ll elaborate further on my disgust with “The One”.

Thanks Suzy

Another Broken Rule

My grandmother was the one who always said don't talk to strangers, but for some reason I just can't help it. It's so easy to talk to a stranger, you can tell them your whole life story and it doesn't matter if they judge you or if you feel you've shared too much as in all likelihood you'll never see that person again. I've had so many people confide in me all sorts of secret hopes, dreams, challenges and opportunities and I've confided in many of them. In general they are very supportive a lot offered guidance and if they can assistance. It's always interesting because you never know where the conversation will lead you. Some people have the most amazing lives and to think if I'd never taken the imitative, I'd have never met the truck driver who was missing his daughter because he and his wife were separated. Or, the cab driver who's also a prince and thinks I look like a singer from his country. Or, the cleaning lady at the Hilton who's husband had suffered a stroke and she had no one else to talk to. Or, the lady who couldn't stop smiling because she'd just found out she was going to have a daughter. All these stories, some of which would never have been told, if I decided to follow the rules.

Zombie Sighting

No, you’re not on the wrong blog, last night I was attacked by zombies. After class I decided to go and warm up with a nice cup of tea from the Second Cup on campus. I'd just paid for my beverage, grabbed a paper and found a comfortable seat when I heard this weird murmuring coming from outside. As it got closer I realized the words "Coffee Brains" were being chanted by a group of about 30 zombies. There were big ones and little ones, tall and short, white, black, brown, blue just all sorts of zombies. One approach and tried to take my double sweetener, double milk earl grey, but when he got a whiff and realized it wasn’t their desired commodity I was left in peace. After a little carnage and a lot of chanting they moved on to arcade and those of us left finished with whatever we had been doing and were on our way.

Training

While in training I've learned there are some do's and don't's

Do:
Try to complete the pre-reading - this allows you to participate in the classroom discussion

Don't:
Read a Star Magazine you've inserted in your training package as most trainers give the impression that the discussion they wanted to facilitate has nothing to do with Brangelina.

Made My Day

(e-mail received this morning)

dear, Marieseda
Why can't you skip a day\night of school on hallaween?
It's only one night. Oh well i guess i'm stuck with someone boring.

There's noone as fun as Y-O-U you to go with!

PLEASE!respond.
LOVE, Lil Sis

P.S.this is all me.

(sent by my favourite person in the world)

I'm F****d!!!

I've got 8 hours to read what my self-learning manual says should take 23.

Eye of the beholder

It's happened to me a couple of times lately where I'll be standing there talking to someone (usually an older lady) and they'll interrupt to let me know I really am beautiful. What kind of throws me off is they say it in a way to indicate they're only realizing it now. There's not much you can say to that other than thank you and continue on with the previous conversation. I have to wonder how awful I was looking before that people take such notice now (or I really have to start thanking my new foundation and eyeliner). Don't get it twisted, I'm not looking for compliments so don't bother, this has just been hanging around my mind.

Say Anything

I refuse to believe I'm the only one in love with Lloyd Dobler. There's just something about that character. I could probably write an entire blog focused on my love and devotion to John Cusack, but Lloyd will always have a special place in my heart.

Some of my favourite Doblerisms include:

Lloyd Dobler: Why can't you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?"

Lloyd Dobler: Hey my brother, can I borrow a copy of your "Hey Soul Classics"?
J-Man: No, my brother, you have to go buy your own.

Lloyd Dobler: She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.

Diane Court: Nobody thinks it will work, do they?
Lloyd Dobler: No. You just described every great success story.

Lloyd Dobler: I am looking for a dare to be great situation.

Lloyd Dobler: I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

Lloyd Dobler: You probably got it all figured out, Corey. If you start out depressed everything's kind of a pleasant surprise.

D.C.: Lloyd, why do you have to be like this?
Lloyd Dobler: 'Cause I'm a guy. I have pride.
Corey Flood: You're not a guy.
Lloyd Dobler: I am.
Corey Flood: No. The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don't be a guy.

[on choosing a career]
Lloyd Dobler: How many of them really know what they want, though? I mean, a lot of them think they have to know, right? But inside they don't really know, so... I don't know ,but I know that I don't know.

Corey Flood: [Lloyd's letter to Diane] Dear Diane, I'll always be there for you. All the love in my heart, Lloyd.

Lloyd Dobler: [leaving the last of a series of messages on Diane's answering machine] "Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later."

Scent of a Man

There are those times when a man walks by or sits down beside you and all you can think is please come home, roll around in my bed, hug my pillow and leave.

Testing, Testing 1, 2, 3

I'm constantly testing people. Everyday I test the people I come into contact with. Usually it's just little things like is that person going to hold open the door, call back or say thank you. It's interesting the number of people who let their little actions speak poorly on their behalf. Failing to hold open a door, return a call (something I must admit to being guilty of) or offer thanks can show a lack of consideration and good manners. For the most part it doesn't matter if someone fails a test or two, I really only start to notice if someone was to fail on a consistent basis. Everyone slips sometimes, it’s when a habit starts to form that I get concerned.

On the other hand some people pass my little test with flying colours and I don’t even realize I was testing them.

This week Mr. Conversation was tested unintentionally and it allowed me to see if last week was a fluke or what. Again I got to class early and took my normal seat and waited for him to show up. I hadn’t planned on excluding his companion but the classmates I usually sit with showed up early too and the result was that if Mr. Conversation wanted to speak with me there was only room for him and not his friend. When he got there was no hesitation, he came and sat down beside me and picked up where we'd left off last week and again we talked all through class. I can’t say what I would have thought if that hadn’t been his action but I’m pretty sure I’d have seen it as a failure on his part. It’s weird to think of everything we’ve discussed in the past two weeks and I still don’t know his name.

Big Trouble

I am currently sitting at my boss' desk, dressed up in a bald cap, fake lashes, a hoop earring, a suit and tie. The reaction to my outfit was rather varied and bets are being taken as to whether I'll still be sitting here in 20 minutes when my boss shows up to work. I'm a little disappointed that they obviously don't know me yet.

O ye of little faith?

Excellence

"Our achievements are shaped by the terrain of our lives and the strength of the foundations we set. In building the life we've imagined, we must be true to our beliefs, dare to be ethical, and strive to be honorable. For integrity is the highest ground to which we can aspire."

"Is the result of caring more than others think is wise; risking more than others think is safe. Dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible."

"Those who attain any excellence commonly spend life in a focused pursuit, for excellence is not often granted in easier terms."

"Excellence is an art won by training and habit. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

Hide and Seek

I am "studying" for my new job in our training room. Some people would probably say that studying does not consist of playing with the white board (Fortunately, I'm not one of those people). As I sit here turning all of the keys on the keyboard black, I am desperately trying to think of words that include the letters "q", "x" and "z". In addition, I've got to come up with a way to incorporate the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0 and the symbols -, =, [, ], \, /.

MY WORK HERE IS ACCOMPLISHED.

Have Gun, Will Travel

To recover from the stress/excitement of the last couple of weeks I've decided to plan the perfect weekend (Not this weekend, possibly the following one, or at the most the one after that).

The perfect weekend involves a lot of sleep. It all starts by turning of the phone and ignoring everyone for the entire 64 hour period (4 pm Friday to 8 am Monday). If everything goes as planned it will be a rainy Friday afternoon and I'll be able to walk home in the rain completely unconcerned about my hair or makeup. Next a bubble bath accompanied by a trashy romance novel (one of my few vices) and FutureSex/LoveSounds. Climb into a bed with freshly laundered, vanilla scented sheets and off to sleep I go. Saturday I have no intentions of leaving the bed other then for a cup and hot chocolate and some popcorn. The 10th Kingdom goes into the DVD player and I'm set til Sunday. Sunday starts off right with a trip to Empire for Dim Sum, which will be followed by a game of cosmic bowling at Markham Bowl. I'll speak no more than 10 syllables to anyone and be back home in time for another 16 hours of sleep.

Are we there yet?

South Africia – 73 more days to go

Pointless

The Everything To Do With Sex Show wasn’t even worth commenting about, so I won’t.

"If"

If you can trust yourself though others doubt you
And Conquer fears that limit what you dare
So you can then enrich the world about you
With skills and talents that are yours to share;

If you enjoy both quiet introspection
And festive times with friends and family,
If you make time for dreaming and reflection
But still find joy in others’ company;

If you can balance dreams with practicality
And deal in facts but never lose ideals,
If you can face the harshness of reality
And find the truths that prejudice conceals;

If you can be courageous when defeated
And humble in the face of victory
Or give your best until a task’s completed,
However difficult that task may be;

If you can be sincere when giving credit
And work at building bridges and not walls
Or strive to reach a prize until you get it,
Yet never fail to help someone who falls…

If you can temper facts with understanding
And manage well the things in your control
And neither be too lax nor too demanding
But keep in mind the worth of every soul;

If you can reach objectives, not begrudging
The patience, time, and effort you impart,
And look at others’ actions without judging
And see not with your eyes but with your heart;

If you can take resources that surround you
And use them in the way you feel is good,
You’ll be successful…and all those around you
Will be the richer for your womanhood.
Barbara Burrow

With High Honours

I graduated yesterday and I wasn’t feeling the excitement and satisfaction I’d expected, until I’m standing there waiting to accept my diploma and my name is announced and it’s followed by the words With High Honours. There was something hearing it proclaimed to the entire audience not only had I satisfied all the requirements of the program but additionally I’d achieved the highest academic echelon possible. I was once on the provincial executive of business club. The majority of the executives’ focus was on the provincial competition held in February. We stand up on stage in front of 2000 students, their family members, teachers and friends and officially launch the competition. As my name and position were announced the audience started chanting my name (my school had the largest membership with over 200 students) and that became the norm every time I was on stage. The feeling produced was that floating on air, can’t come down, this can never be topped kind of feeling (love, respect, appreciation all wrapped up together). I got that feeling again today when I looked into the faces of my grandparents. It’s always nice hearing people say they’re proud of you but seeing it made all the work, effort and sleepless nights worth it. I can’t wait to do it again.

Brokenhearted

Someone broke my heart yesterday. She’s nine years old and probably the last person in the world I would expect to hurt me. She really didn’t intend to and I know what she said was only shared at my insistence but it still hurt to hear. Sometimes it’s really a challenge to remember she’s only nine and has a nine year old’s mind. The sad thing is I knew what was bothering her before I asked. I did the big sister “thing” and said all the required comforting words and I can only hope that one day I’ll be able to forget what happened as she appears to have moved on before her head hit the pillow tonight

Negotiating Into Love

On my first day at work 4 years ago this girl sat down beside me and said, "Hey, Friend" and that was it, we became best friends. When we got laid off our friendship slowly started to deteriorate to the point that we hadn't communicated in over a year and a half. I've been thinking about her a lot recently and decided to give her a call.

When we first met she had been dating a guy for about 2 years. He was (and it sounds like he still is) a totally useless human being. He as no ambition or drive and many of his habits are things I have great difficulty putting up with. In the first four months of our friendship she broke up with him at least 3 times. During one of their break ups she started dating a childhood friend of hers. He was polite, attentive, friendly, he knew what he wanted in life and he was going after it. To my shock/horror she informed me that she is back with Mr. Useless and they are talking marriage. She said he's the only guy she's ever loved.

The concept of love has caused me great confusion. I think where my issue with love lies is in the, suggested, total lack of control involved. How or why do people just "fall in love"? I've read the different articles and writings on how people don't actually fall in love, but into a state of lust or passion and wish to give those feelings a greater value by claiming they're in love. Supposedly, those early feelings allow the relationship to develop to the point where a deeper sense of connection (i.e. love) may flourish (*cough* bullshit *cough*). People are lazy, it's easy to say "I had no choice" or "It just happened". "He makes me feel the way no one else had" (gag me please) feelings come and go (I feel tired right now, I am sure after a good night's rest that feeling will be gone). I hate when someone says "I just knew" or "He's The One". WHY? If you can't articulate an answer, I'm pretty sure it's because none exists. What happens if in 5 years you meet someone and feel a greater connection or you realize you were wrong and this new guy is obviously The One (which is another concept I'm not impressed with).

Therefore, the new approach I propose is to negotiate into love. If your at that point in your life where you feel it's time to get married and start a family, when you meet someone instead of waiting for that feeling or sense of something outside of the ordinary you follow these suggested steps. First, you both pull out a pen and paper or the old laptop and you start a list of things are essential and what would be additional assets. Next, exchange lists and start negotiations (deal-breakers should be dealt with first). If no satisfactory agreement can be reached you say good day and move on. If everything is approved set the date and give yourself a pat on the back. If this method proves unsuccessful, I would suggest an arranged marriage (which being honest is my preferred method). Yes, I'm being stupid, but is my method any more preposterous than basing what should be a life-long commit on a feeling?

(If you can’t tell, I’m tired and in a pissy mood over the illogical decisions females make)

Bite Marks

My past has been biting me in the ass.

In the past two months, I've run into more people than I had in the previous five years. And they've all managed to catch me on that one day (that day I treat myself to no makeup, a ponytail and jeans (it's mind-boggling, 93.82% (rough estimate) of the time I'm dressed professionally)). I've bumped into high school friends, ex-coworkers, ex-boyfriends (It's been a prolonged version of This Is Your Life). I never know what to do or say (people always go for a hug (It makes me laugh because some of these people I've never touched in my life and now they want a greeting as if we used to be close friends)). To add to my feelings of stupidity I rarely recognize the person or remember their name (The majority I would have passed right by and not realized it was them). I guess old age is finally creeping up on me.

Too Easy!!

In high school I had a classmate tell me that things came too easily to me. I didn't go to class and I got good grades. Whenever I needed something, I somehow got it. Things were just thrown at me (I had just won leadership positions in two clubs and an accounting award (admittedly, with very little effort). I attributed the comments to her being a bitch and left it at that. (Hint for Tip - M.V.)

Thanks to her, every once in a while I do wonder if things don't come to me too easily.

Example 1
Once again, forgetting I'm not superwoman, I volunteered for the charitable donation drive in at work. Since I was out of the office Monday, working hard on Tuesday and blogging yesterday, today was the first opportunity I've had to participate. They gave me tickets to sell for a raffle (the prize is a turkey (who wants a turkey?)). The chairperson handed me 50 tickets and said to bring back the extras when I was done. I had them all sold in a half hour (I had to go back twice for more tickets and ended up selling all of the ones we had on hand). Why is that impressive? I've been told that in the past two years raffles and other events have had to be cancelled due to a lack of participation. My manager called me into his office to say that my success was "ridiculous" (in a good way) and that I'm "totally in the wrong profession".

Example 2
As if my ego needed more stroking, at school (between whispering to the guy beside me) I couldn't give a wrong answer and after class the teacher called me over to ask for my help and gave me an extra assignment to complete (in a good way). You have to understand that this teacher hates us. He takes perverse pleasure in asking for the answer and than completely shooting down your responses. Some of my favourites - "No, that's not right", "Stop right there, did you even hear the question?", after an answer is given "NO! Does anybody else have the RIGHT answer?" (He's awesome!!). I was walking to the bus stop with someone from my class she pointed out that he’s never done that to me, even when I’ve given the wrong answer (a rare occurrence); he has always “respected” my thoughts.

It scares me to think what the world would be like if I actually tried.

What a Man!!

As per usual, I got to school an hour and a half early for class. As I walked in the classroom I was surprised to find one of my classmates already there sitting in my usual seat. I sat down one chair away from him (he normally has a companion sit beside him and I was leaving her a seat). Immediately he moved to the seat next to me and we began to talk.

HE GAVE GREAT CONVERSATION!

I mean there were no awkward silences or searching for things to say. He enraptured me, captivated me. We discussed life and different experiences and travels we'd had. There was no falling back on topics like "the weather" or "the latest t.v. show”.

For a minute I fell in love, not with him, but with his ability to make me overcome myself, to garner enough of my trust to want to share my true self.

It was a thing of beauty.

We whispered to each other all through class and as I left this evening, all I could think was this has been the start of a wonderful friendship.

Gotta Love Her

Preface: There's a 15 year age gap between me and my little sister.

My sister and I hang out a lot and for the most part we enjoy each others company. So tonight I thought we'd chill together, we'd go to the mall, grab some dinner, do homework, watch Top Model and off to bed she goes. While at the mall we ran into a former colleague of mine. We stood there talking and catching up. Feeling left out she decided to contribute to the conversation. We had been talking about how I'm always running so late and how from the minute I wake up in the morning I'm on the go. Little sis suggests, "Tell him what you sleep in" with a giant grin on her face. There are any number of things I could have said, the only one, I figured, could have caused that smile on her face is not one I wanted to share.

I turned RED (not pink, not just on my face; my entire body turned RED)

I stood there for two minutes while neither of us "adults" could look at each other let alone try to think of something to say.

Out of frustration my sis turns to the guy and says "She sleeps in a nest, she always has all her stuff on the bed." (Not even close to what I was avoiding saying) Somewhat relieved, I excused us and marched my sister off to the bathroom to remind her that it's not always appropriate to join in "Adult Conversation".

I'm just thankful I probably won't see this guy for another 4 years.

Marieseda?

Someone asked where did "Marieseda" come from?

Marie is a part of my full name.

Seda, on the other hand, is not so obvious. When I was 12 or 13 I fell in love with this movie starring Jon Seda. He was the only man that ever got his picture up on my wall (other than Mickey Mouse).

Let's Talk About Sex

So the Everything To Do With Sex show is cumming to town (Yes, I know I have a dirty mind). Once again, I've corrupted my co-workers and we all had to rush to hide the informational print-outs about the event when my boss caught us looking at the site. There are several seminars that have caught my eye:

Uncover Your Inner Stripper

Undress For Success

G-Spots & P-Spots: Double Your Pleasure
(I'm glad I'm not the only one that had to ask "what's a P-Spot?"

How To Kiss On A Date/ The Top Three Mistakes Woman Make When Attracting Men

A friend has suggested that if I want a really good laugh, I should also attend:

Mastering Masturbation (M&W)

Receiving Entrance or No Rear Entry? (An Introduction to Anal Sex)

I think I hear the "Fake Orgasm Contest" calling my name.

If I don't die of laughter this weekend; I should have some interesting observations to share.

My Favourite Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said, "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed skinny and farted whenever she wanted.

The End

NSF

I was reading a friend's blog and it reminded me of a seminar I'd attended years ago. The seminar was about teambuilding, becoming leaders and all those "soft skills" that many people lack. A lot of time was spent on "Relationship Accounts".

What is a "Relationship Account"?
The basic theory was that you open an account with everyone person you meet. Each interaction or "transaction" has an effect on that account. People make "deposits or "withdrawals" and the more you "invest" in the account the better the relationship becomes.

What is a "Deposit"?
It’s when you do or add something to the relationship. It can be as simply as calling the person to see how they're doing or helping them when they're in need of a hand. It was suggested at the time that we should always be making little deposits into the account, as it is an easy way to help the investment grow and you are less likely to forget the account exists.

What is a "Withdrawal"?
This is when you take something from the relationship. This is accomplished by asking for favours (which is not always a negative thing) or by saying or doing things that are not of benefit to the other person (lying/cheating/back-stabbing). Some withdrawals rise concerns as to the ability to maintain the account or cause the account to have a negative balance.

What is "Overdraft"?
It is a situation that arises when the withdrawals far exceed the deposits. This normally tells you that you have made a bad investment and should consider closing the account at your earliest convenience.

I have a number of very healthy accounts and a few that I think it is time for me to be closing.

Once again, Speechless

I find I am entirely composed of unexpressed opinions.

In the past I had no difficulty in ensuring my point of view was made know. Recently, there appears to be no point in expressing myself when so few attempt to understand what is being said. People are so self-consumed and self-important, that all that seems to matter is that others know they are right. Playing devil's advocate has lost its appeal, as it no longer delivers the desired effect. It fails to instigate an educated discussion with insightful and logical arguments. No one attempts to think for themselves. I'm tired of hearing "I heard", "I read", or worst of all "I saw on television" as the preface for every opinion expressed. I'm not referring to someone that states "I heard/read/saw" and continues on to state their example and elaborates or adds their personal opinion; I'm referring to those that utilize their example as their opinion. At school, all of the professors have stated that they are there to teach us how to think. They say to question things, research, formulate our own thoughts and opinions, however when it comes time for marking should our opinion not match theirs we get penalized. That’s the reward given to those that bother to try.

The art of conversation has been lost. Very few know how to actively listen and ensure that all participants in the conversation are understood. Most people have developed the "next-in-line" syndrome, where they are more worried about what they'll say when the speaker is done than focusing on what is being said. "All progress in the world depends on a person who seeks opportunity—not security. A person who takes the calculated risk, to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed, who faces the world boldly and says, 'This is what is possible'." It is possible to understand and be understood, to agree to disagree, to discuss and not argue. This is one less unexpressed opinion and I believe you'll hear many more from me.

Speechless

I have a lot of new topics; I'm just trying to organize my thoughts. I simply need to get through graduation and Grandma's visit next week and than I'm sure I'll be fully functional again. I find I've been falling back on 2 old habits I thought I'd broken. I've started using "whatever" as the answer to any question. "Whatever", I've been told, gives the appearance of a lack of concern or caring, but "Whatever". My mind jumps pretty fast from subject to subject and for some reason I presume that the people around me are all mind readers and I expect them to fully participate in the conversation that's happening in my mind. So, we'll be driving along and out of the blue I'll ask a question like "how old is he?" or "when did they get together?" because, obviously, the person sitting beside me should know who he or they are. I guess I should work on breaking those habits again. Whatever!

Why did the lawyer cross the road?

(A collection of my favourite lawyer jokes)

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor says the man. I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me."
________________________________________

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asks him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thinks about it, but finally gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
________________________________________

Q: What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the middle of the road and a dead rattlesnake in the middle of the road?

A: There is skid marks before the snake
________________________________________

Q:What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?

A: They grow taller.
________________________________________

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them.

When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.

St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."
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It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
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There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus to work one day. He parked it right down in front of the firm where he worked to show it off to all his lawyer buddies. As he got out, this truck side-swiped the door and ripped it right off.

The driver stopped and ran to the lawyer saying "Are you alright, are you alright?

"The lawyer, now furious, started to scream and berate the driver. "What the hell do you think you are doing? This is my brand new Lexus...Ya know I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you for all you are worth!

"Then a policeman ran up to the scene and said to the lawyer, "Calm down! You lawyers are so materialistic it's disgusting! Don't you know, when that truck ripped your door off, it took your arm with it?

"The lawyer looked down and saw his left arm missing and said "Oh, God, . . . my ROLEX!"
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A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.

Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: "Justice prevailed.

"The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately." ________________________________________

De-evolution

At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans.
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Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.
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Q: Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?

A: New Jersey got first pick.
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Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.
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Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
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Q: When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?

A: Even a vulture has taste.
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Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?

A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
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Q: What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

A: A doberman pinscher.
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.
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Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?

A: Their personalities.
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Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?

A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
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Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.
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Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

Throwing Down the Gauntlet

As per a conversation this morning, this is what I have to say....

I'm I open to possibilities?
Yes.

I'm I into taking hints, clues or reading into anything?
NO!!

I only play games with children. I'm direct and I expect others to follow suit. I'm no longer making the first move or chasing after anyone. If someone would like to know how I feel they should ask.

My suggestion for anyone willing to take up the gauntlet is to keep in mind that I've already been pretty vocal about where I'm at in life and what I'm looking for.

This is all I have to say on the subject.

And call me in the morning

I strongly dislike taking medication (I would say hate, however the fact that they keep me from lapsing into a coma or going blind makes me refrain from absolute abhorrence). I have become more diligent when it comes to taking them, but there are still those mornings where I can't remember if it was yesterday I took my medication or 10 minutes ago. I'm happy to report that I'm obviously doing a good job as my doctor told me on Friday my sugars and everything else are the best they've been since becoming diabetic. The only downside to everything is the constant changes being made to my dosages and prescriptions. Just as soon as my body has become accustomed to something it gets changed and I it puts my body into an upheaval again. As well, I seem to have lost many of my superhuman abilities. I can't stay up all night and function properly the next day. I don't seem to hide my tiredness as well as I used to in the past. There are days where I could sleep all day and it still isn't enough. I find it even affects my wit (my mind just doesn't want to function as fast as it used to (which I personally find is the worst side effect of all)). I am so looking forward to the day when I no longer have to take the stupid stuff; in fact, I think I'll throw a party. A huge party with sugar free treats for everyone and lots and lots and lots and lots of alcohol (and grapefruit).

Invisible

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from work. We talk on almost a daily basis and every once in a while we'll go for a coffee. I think we gravitate to each other as we're the only ones there under 30. Actually, we're the exact same age (I'm a couple months older) yet our lives are so very different. She was married (is getting divorced), has 2 children (a 5 year old and a 2 year old) and she supports them on what cannot be described as the greatest job. She lives at home with her mother and brother in a 2 bedroom apartment and is very slowly working her way through college. Her (soon to be ex-) husband cheated on her with one of her friends/co-workers and is now expecting twins with his new girlfriend. She is one of very few people that continually garners further respect from me the better acquainted we become. She is the "cleaning lady" at my office. It's difficult to express my frustration over the fact that she has been working at our office since July and half of them still call her the "cleaning lady" as they haven't bothered to learn her name. They see her every day, at least twice a day, and some of them don't even know what she looks like. It's disturbing how many people we make invisible in our daily lives. Every morning I get on the bus and I tell the bus driver good morning and thank you when I get off (I can count on one hand the number of other people I see do this). If I catch the eye of anyone around me (bus stop, store, school) I generally like to offer some sort of greeting. Why do people walk around pretending that they can't see anyone else (or ignoring the ones they do)? For a while I stopped saying "Good Morning" to co-workers who never returned my greeting and then I realized it's not my problem if they don't have the common courtesy/manners to recognize me as a fellow human being. I don't want to stop seeing people. (It helps lately that I've been wearing my glasses or contacts). I know I've confessed to being a selfish (and to a degree self-absorbed) person, but it what does it take from me to give someone else the 10 seconds it takes acknowledge them and in some cases thank them for the whatever they've contributed to my day.

A Lovely Day

After a somewhat restless night, I woke up surprisingly refreshed. I love the rain (considering moving to Seattle or London (the jury is still out on that one (July 2007!))). I said "Good morning" to 4 people; all smiled and returned my greeting. When I reached the bus stop by where I work, one of my co-workers was waiting there to give me a ride. It's only a 5 minute walk, but because of how hard it was raining he had decided to wait there for me. I received two invites to lunch and the following e-mail (from the co-worker who called me a "timewaster") "Thanks!!! You're amazing a few others sent me links but I couldn't find the information…you are great…okay now trash this email…I'd hate to think of how you might use these compliments… :)". This saying is on the wall in my room "This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."

It's going to be a great day!

An Interesting Night

Seeing that he wasn't at work yesterday, I gave him a call and asked him to meet at a coffee shop before my class. There are those times when you're about to say something and you know its going to sound stupid regardless of how you say it. So I went with "I'm really focused on school, that's my priority and I am just not ready to be in a relationship right now" (what a cop-out); it should have been more like "I don't really care to invest any more time or energy because, I know you're not what I want, so why waste my time" or "I'm tired of your prodding and pushing, if this was meant to be it wouldn't take such effort.". I didn't bother with "let’s be friends", "I'll always love you" or "you'll always have a special place in my heart". He is a great guy and a good friend, but I think if I'd tried to get any of that trite out of my mouth, I'd have thrown up (regurgitating standard phrases has the ability to unsettle my stomach). I would like to believe that we were thinking along the same lines, especially with the pronounced distance lately, but I'm not too sure.

The night didn't end there, one of my classmates asked me out for coffee after class. He seems to be a really "nice guy", but I thought why jump “out of the frying pan, into the fire” (I declined). I than called a friend (initially, I had tried to steal him from his best friend, but that endeavour was quickly deserted as I have a very short attention span, which results in the title of friend and not best friend (I may one day take up my quest again, once life is a little more settled)) and asked a favour that was graciously granted. Finally, I called "My Confidant". He seemed overly concerned about my safety, which had me somewhat befuddled, as he's just not that kind of guy (it made a little more sense when I got home and caught the 1 am showing of the Nancy Grace show). He stayed on the phone until I was safely in the company of my brother and secured a promise I would call him the next time I'm out there waiting for my bus.

All in all an interesting night.

Do I know you?

So, I recently asked some people in my life to describe me in one word. Here are some of the responses (first answers, copied directly from responses (exclamation marks and all)):

Parents: Bad!!!!!! (dad) P.I.T.A *pain in the ass* (mom)

Brother: selfish (It should be noted that this response was sent shortly after he was denied some of my sugar-free fudge popsicles)

Co-workers: mischievous, It is impossible to describe you in one word!!!!, Timewaster, confident, annoying, pain-in-the-ass

Friends(?): generous, Difficult, FUNNY, Alive, Sarcastic, curious

Now what did this waste of time teach me?

Absolutely Nothing!
There was only one answer (or Respondent) who surprised me. Other than that I've learned that the next time I'm bored on a Monday morning I should stick to tag.

Soccer in High-heels

I love Thanksgiving!!!

What's my favourite Part?

(Easy question) Homemade stuffing.

Our fellowship did Thanksgiving on Sunday this year and while the adults worked on getting the meal ready, us kids got to play in the backyard. What happens when you mix me, a soccer ball and young children together; a very dangerous game of soccer (Tackle-Soccer involving a lot of grabbing and pushing). I will state for the record that I am well aware of the fact that I am somewhat accident prone. I will also state that playing soccer in high-heels is never a great idea, when the ground is wet and slippery it becomes an awful idea. Therefore, I'm proud to announce that the game was completed with a minimal amount of injury, I managed to keep my bottom dry and there are no fatalities to report (would I do it again, sadly I would).

Our family did Thanksgiving at our house this year. The majority of the mealtime conversation was my dad explaining to my aunt the numerous ways in which he would cook her dog, Holly. We had everyone out by 5 o'clock. It was the perfect holiday weekend.

Because When You Love Someone

This song has been playing on repeat in my head all day. I can't remember the artist or the title, but the part of the song I recall is...

Because when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I want to leave

She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be
I just need time to see
Where I want to be

I don't mean to hurt you, baby

So there's this guy. We've been kind of "are we or aren't we" for about a year now (more "we aren't" than anything else (I've flip-flopped and changed my mind a million times)). I still "need time to see where I want to be" and he's more "So Much In Love" (All-4-One). I think the 10-year age gap is really hurting us. He's content and I'm still striving. He's settled; I'm ready to explore. His biological clock is ticking; I haven't heard a peep out of mine. Besides all that, he has someone in his life that I'm pretty sure is more in love with him than I could or would ever be. I know what I have to do, I just don't really want to do it.

Joy

I was sitting on the bus this morning thinking of a friend of mine and I felt a smile start on my face. It wasn't a particular event or incident, it was just the joy this person brings to my life. I than started to think of all the other people who do that. The people who the simple thought of them brings joy. I have a lot of those people in my life right now. The one example I'm willing to share is my little sister. She has so much love in her little heart and she gives it so freely. She's not afraid of being hurt or rejected (because she knows that won't happen). Even as an infant she brought a sense of peace with her. She is my joy!

What are you?

It's not a question that normally bothers me, but it is getting a little played out. Since I've started wearing the green contacts, there seems to be a renewed interest into my background. There have been very few times in my life where being a mixed child has caused any issues. One incident that comes to mind was a grade 8 math class, where we were working on percentages and the teacher tried to split us up according to ethnicity. She made me stand between the "White" and "Black" kids and I counted as a .5 for each group. (I keep telling my family I'll marry a guy who is mixed Indian and Chinese to make life interesting for my future children.)

I'm not the only one who is getting the question. I've been asked in each of my classes and normally after asking me the question will go around to everyone in the vicinity. When I first started working at my job somebody asked (on the wrong day) and I answered with "Why?". I understand when children ask, but whenever an adult poses the question it makes me wonder of what great importance is it to them.

My mom and I went to pick up my little sister from school and one of the children asked her if she was adopted. I get the child's confusion as to a "Black" kid having a "White" mother. My sister didn't like or understand the other kid's question. With the number of interracial couples I've seen lately, I'm sure there'll shortly be a whole new crop of kids getting the "are you adopted?" question.

This Sucks!

I hate being sick.

I hate the snuffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, sore throat, etc.

I miss having mom rub me down with vicks, dad making his special tea (he used to dry orange peel and boil it with cloves), and getting to watch Princess Bride as many times I want. Nobody buys my diet gingerale or makes me soup any more. I hate the looks people give you when you show up to work sick cause you have no more sick time (which I'll deal with tomorrow).

Being sick sucks!!

My Best Friend

My mom and my little sister were cleaning out my mom's closet when they came upon an autobiography I'd written when I was in grade 3. There is something surreal about reading your thoughts years later. In the autobiography (it was a school assignment) there was a page called "My 3 Wishes", and one of my wishes was for a little sister. My little sister is 8 (sometimes it feels more like 28) and there have been very few days that she hasn't heard me tell her I love her. I never realized how much it would mean to her to know that I wanted her in my life from before she was born. She was so excited that she ran downstairs to show me what I had written and started to beg my mom for the autobiography. I guess this explains why my best friend is 8 and why I'd much rather spent a Saturday hanging out with her than anyone else in the world.

For Love or Money

People are not always very encouraging when I tell them I want to be a lawyer. I noticed a while ago people stopped asking why I want to be one and I stopped thinking about it. They'll ask what type of law would I like to practice, how much longer will I be in school or would I like to work for a private firm or the government, but they stopped asking why.

It was never about the money; in fact I've never really wanted to be a lawyer. I used to love to research different laws and finding out why things are the way they are. To examine the progress that society had made in maintaining order. The pursuit of Justice and seeing that the guilty were punished and the innocent set free. I wanted to be judge. To ensure that Justice was served, to have the power to say "you've wronged society and now you must pay for your actions". Somewhere along the way I lost my focus. I stopped thinking about why it never felt like work studying or researching. It became about marks and than the money started creeping in. Teachers would tell you "study Corporate that's where the money is" or friends would say "wait until you can charge $300.00/hour" and then I found myself saying "I want to study Corporate, I want to earn $500.00/hour and charge clients for lunch and dinner and all sorts of other needless expenses". I throwing all that crap out and starting fresh again. I'm determined to find that love and excitement I once felt about law, life and liberty.

1 Sheep, 2 Sheep....

It's almost 2 am and I really should be getting to sleep.

The Scotiabank Nuit Blanche was great; if they do it again next year you'll definitely find me there. I got my bedtime story, it was awesome (about a lion and a thief). Ran into a couple I love, I've asked them to get married and adopt me (they're engaged to be engaged September 9, 2011).

Today, I ran into a friend I haven't seen in 4 years; we reminisced on all the trouble we used to get into (truthfully, the trouble I got us into(Aristotle and Deep Throat are great stories I'll have to write about some time)). It's weird seeing everybody all grown up. She feels like she's still 16 too.

My boss choose to ignore the game of monkey in the middle I was able to convince half of the office to play (He's going on vacation and I managed to complete his assignment in record time, so he was in a pretty good mood).

From when I was little my dad and I used to go on little adventures. Sometimes it lead to Niagara Falls, Kingston or Hamilton and other times it was just to the convenience store down the street. It always starts the same by him asking me if I want to go for a ride with him. Tonight, our adventure only lead to the West end of the city, but it was still fun.

I feel....

I often express my feelings in terms of songs (not just their titles, but their lyrics)

Right now I'm feeling:

Boyz II Men - End of the Road
Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
Justin Timberlake - Comes Around (Interlude)

Different people, different feelings. I'll explain later.